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We both stumble back, and I press the heel of my hand to my forehead.
“Oh, sorry Violet!” She reaches out her hands to me, but then pulls them back as if thinking better of it.
“It’s okay,” I respond quickly.
“Hey,” Fiona lowers her voice. “I don’t want to step on any toes, so if you and Jay have something going on, you don’t need to worry. I just got a little spooked with the noise.” She giggles a little, and dammit it’s hard to be mad at her. “I mean, Jay’s a catch and all, but he’s not really my type.”
I must look confused, because then she continues, “I’m like, madly in love with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for two years,” Fiona smiles and her cheeks take on a slight flush.
And suddenly, I feel like the dumbest girl in the world.
I quickly assure Fiona that she and I are good, and I mean it. Even if she didn’t play for the other team, it wouldn’t be fair to take my frustration out on her. I shouldn’t be frustrated to begin with.
So why am I?
Once Jay has served his customer, he comes around the corner and nods at Fiona. “Can you hold things down for a few minutes?”
She shrugs then nods.
Jay turns to me. “Let’s talk about this somewhere private.”
I nod reluctantly and follow him into the kitchen.
Jay runs a hand through his black hair, looking genuinely upset. He paces to the other side of the kitchen, then back to me. “Violet, I… I didn’t know you thought I… no, it’s… our sex is different. I thought we were clear about what we wanted, but if your feelings have changed, we need to talk about it.”
“Talk about what, Jay? I just don’t know what to say to you right now.”
“Fine, I’ll say it. Violet, I care about you. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I don’t have to be in love with a woman to take care of her, and I want to take care of you. If anything changed on my end, I would tell you. I need you to trust me on that.”
I stare at him, trying to gauge if he’s being honest. There’s a sincerity in his eyes that I haven’t seen before, and it makes me falter.
I look at the ground, calculating whether I should believe him or not.
“I promise you, there’s nothing between me and Fiona?—”
“I know there’s nothing going on,” I snap, then take a breath to collect myself and speak more calmly. “It’s fine. I misunderstood.”
Jay nods, looking relieved. “Look, you and I have our issues, but the sex is phenomenal. I don’t want to lose that for anything.”
I should feel flattered by what he’s saying, but it just makes me feel dirty. Sure, it’s good to know I can make a man feel good, but that’s not what I want deep down. I want to be appreciated, respected, and loved, not just used.
“Violet, what are you thinking?” Jay asks after a moment.
I shrug. What I’m thinking is that I signed up for this. I can’t blame Jay. He’s doing exactly what he promised me. He can’t read my thoughts or know what I’m feeling.
I’m done with the conversation. I don’t want to expose myself anymore. I feel a strong need to be by myself.
“I can’t work tonight,” I tell Jay, looking up and meeting his eyes.
“Why not?”
“I have something else I need to do.” I don’t need to tell Jay specifics of where I’m going or what I’m doing. I just know I can’t torture myself by being around him right now. Of potentially watching a female customer making eyes at him, and how I’ll react.
“You know there’s a?—”
I don’t like the authoritative tone Jay is taking, so I cut him off. “I said I need to go. I’m sorry.” I don’t stay to continue our conversation. Instead, I turn and stalk out of the restaurant. The wind whips at my hair as I walk to my car, stewing about what just happened.
CHAPTER 23
