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The tissue is soaked through and through. I let it fall to my side, covering my face, my tears, my shame.
“This is more than Bear you’re crying over,” Marcus suggests, leaving it up there in the air.
“You see? It’s stupid.” I don’t elaborate on the pain of that day. The one that Bear couldn’t take away because he was already gone. “It’s just a dog.”
“It’s not just a dog,” Marcus hisses under his breath. “Dammit, Leigh.”
I hear his legal pad and pen as they hit the floor. Peeking between my fingers, I watch him get up, moving to take a place on the couch beside me. His arm snakes around me. His fingers curl around my shoulders possessively.
With his free hand, Marcus swats my hands away. He brushes my hair back to kiss my temple. “Some therapist I am.”
A watery laugh escapes me. Then, an inelegant snort. “The best.”
“Why haven’t you cried?” My bones crush from how he tightens his embrace. “You’re allowed to grieve. To ask for help.”
“I only cried when…” Sniffle. No, I’m not going there. “Mom cried a lot. Rylan too. They loved him. I was there to hug them. I was eight, but I still knew that if I cried, they’d start crying again. So I didn’t.”
“I remember Rylan wept like she’d lost a family member. She’s never wanted a pet after that.” Marcus pushes my head so I’m looking at him. “No one knew you hurt, though,” he muses. Curious. Pained.
“Nope.” I hiccup, coaxing the tiniest compassionate smile out of Marcus. “It’s easier like this. With you.” Deep inhale. In his arms, I’m fine with having someone lend me their support. “I’m okay. That’s weird. How do you do that?”
“I’d say it’s my job, but think we’re both aware it’s more than that.” His gravelly voice is authoritative and yet warm. So warm. “I’m here for you. Your lover. Your healer. You’re not a burden to me. I can take anything off your shoulders. Anything at all.”
I’m not sure how to respond to his statement.
“Will you feel better if I share one of my secrets with you?”
My insecurities morph into intrigue. “Please,” I say as he swipes the tears off my cheeks.
“After that, we’ll have our short hypnosis session.” He levels his gaze with me.
“Okay.” I stay very still, impatient, as I wait for Marcus to talk.
“A few months after you and Ry went to college, I received a call from a well-known mental hospital in England.” Marcus massages the space between my eyebrows.
When I realize I’ve been frowning, I relax. Seeing where this is going, though, I don’t smile.
“One of the psychiatrist residents over there attended my lecture here. My experience and opinions of therapeutic hypnosis piqued his interest, and he passes it on. The head of the hospital called me.” His tone is flat, and I hold my breath. “He offered me a position as the head of the hypnosis department there.”
The prestige. The money. They must’ve offered him a shit-ton for the move and for running this whole operation. And here he is. Sitting here beside me.
He said no.
“Why did you decline?”
“My home is here.” He flattens his palm on my chest. “With you and Ry. I worried for her. She wouldn’t have taken the news of me leaving well.”
At all. The first three months in college, she called Marcus twice a day. Two times more than I called my parents.
“She has no idea, right?” Without even noticing the movement, I lift my hand to cover his. “You’ve been protecting her.”
“She would’ve panicked. Would’ve thought I was considering it. Which I wasn’t.” His gaze tells me he’s serious. “I saved her the unnecessary heartache.”
Half-truth. I recognize one when I hear it. I don’t push. With time, he’ll come to me.
“Anyway.” The slightest change occurs in him. The edge in him slips away. He’s softer. “I’d like to begin with your session.” Marcus pauses, proceeding to say something out of character. “That is if you’re up for it.”
Eager to explore this other type of session—a hypnosis I actually consent to—I put some distance between us.
