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“You didn’t hear Beckett, Mom. He asked me to check in on her. To protect her.” I shake my head. “Not to take advantage of her and make her fall for me only to hurt her in the end.”
“You don’t know you will,” she points out.
“Everything ends,” I say, trying to mimic the pointed tone she used earlier as I hold out a hand to indicate her situation with my dad.
“You look in that room with that newborn baby, and you look at Linc and Jo’s second chance twenty years after they first met. You still want to tell me everything is meant to end?” she asks.
It’s something to consider, I guess. They battled their way back to each other, and it’s working for them.
That doesn’t mean it’s meant to work for everybody else that way, but why can’t I have that, too?
“Okay, now go pee,” she says. “I just had to tell you that.”
I chuckle and disappear into the bathroom, but her words play on my mind for the rest of the day.
It’s a little after six when we’re saying goodbye to the new parents for the night, and we’re all gathered in the elevator when Asher says, “You all want to grab some dinner?”
I glance at Ava, who nods. “Count us in.”
My parents and Spencer are in, too, and we make plans to meet in an hour at a Mexican restaurant at the Aria that Asher can’t stop talking about.
We swing by Ava’s place so she can change clothes, and the house is quiet as I wait for her in the kitchen. She’s in a black dress when she emerges from her bedroom, and we’ve sort of avoided each other today as we each chatted with different members of my family. Or maybe we were avoiding each other on purpose because we weren’t ready to face the reality of what’s going on between us.
So I bring it up first…only, I’m not exactly sure how to bring it up. “You hung up on me last night.”
“Yeah. You made me mad.” She lifts a shoulder.
“Do you really believe what you said?”
“Which part?” Her tone is a little guarded.
I clear my throat. “The part about it hurting you more by not giving this a chance.”
“Yeah. I do. You admitted you had feelings for me, but I think you’re so convinced that you’re doomed to fail at relationships that you’re throwing in the towel without ever giving it a try. But what if it doesn’t fail? What if it’s everything we ever wanted?” she asks.
I shift my gaze to the counter. “I never wanted any of this.” I lift my gaze to hers, and she looks like I struck her with a physical blow. “I know that sounded harsh, and I didn’t mean it that way,” I hurry to say. “I just meant that I never dreamed of this life with a wife and kids and a white picket fence.”
“It doesn’t have to be white,” she says, a little teasing in her tone.
I chuckle. “I know. This is just all new to me, and it started with a lie, and that scares me, Ava. You kept a secret from me, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that secrets kill relationships. My dad kept secrets from my mom, and now they’re getting divorced after forty fucking years. I can’t just let it go, and being together with my whole family today even though my parents are apart…” I trail off, but the truth is that it’s triggering me.
I’m just not sure what it’s triggering me to do.
Ultimately, the way my dad treated Lincoln was what led to the divorce. Even when the kids are grown and gone, they can still fuck relationships up. Sure, my mom pointed out how happy Lincoln and Jolene are today, but will they always be that happy?
I have no idea.
And I don’t know what the future holds for me, but despite the fears pulsing through me, after watching my brother and his wife and their baby today…
They were so happy.
Deliriously so.
I want to feel what it’s like to be in love, and I think I could have that with Ava if I could just step over those fears and give this a real shot.
“I wish I knew how to earn your trust back.” She takes a step toward me, and she touches my shoulder as I can’t help but think to myself that she has it. She’s proven that I can trust her over the last few weeks despite that first night together. It makes sense why she felt like she had to keep things from me, and I can’t continue to hold that against her.
She’s so close that I could just reach out and grab her.
