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“Are you sure you’re okay? I’d love to come out to Vegas and spend some time with you. Tell you more about Thomas. Maybe even bring him out.”
“I’m totally okay, and I actually have a spare bedroom if you’d like to stay with me. My roommate just moved back home to Louisiana, so it’s just me.” Sort of. Once I move back into my place.
The house is going to feel so empty without Kelly, and just like I wasn’t sure if she could afford it without me, I don’t know if I can afford it without her.
But I’ll figure something out. Maybe I’ll get my Radiance group on Facebook going again.
Ugh.
Just the thought of hitting up my friends and family to buy all that shit has my skin crawling. Maybe I can look into other independent consultants and see if they’d like to buy some of my stock.
“Okay. I’ll be in touch. Maybe Oliver or Alexander will meet me there. It would be nice to see my kids a little more. Even hear from them a little more,” she hints. She backpedals quickly. “I know I haven’t been a very good mother to you four. I know Beckett stepped up more than he should have. And I’ve also learned that it’s not too late to fix your mistakes…if you can find it in you to allow me to try.”
I’m wary of the promises. I don’t know who this Thomas guy is, but so far it sounds like he’s good for her. I never expected a call like this one.
It doesn’t necessarily make me feel any less alone, but it does do one important thing.
It makes me see that even if it’s easy for people to leave me, they don’t forget me. Eventually, they come crawling back.
Chapter 56: Grayson Nash
What is with Today
I’m not sure what to expect as I turn onto the street my house is on, and my chest tightens when I see the little red Versa in the driveway.
My mother’s words to me have not left my mind since she said them.
I promised her I’d think about it, and I have.
It’s all I’ve thought about.
My mother wanted me to weigh whether being angry over the secrets was worth losing her, and it struck me that she was right.
Both my mother and Ava.
Ava said she knew me better than I knew myself. She said I was running scared.
She was abso-fucking-lutely right about that.
I did run scared. I told her it was over to save myself the pain of it all coming to an end later anyway.
But my mom was right, too, and she made me see that I was giving up the good times because I’m scared of the bad.
I can’t live life scared.
Ava really didn’t keep a secret from me. It’s not like she was knocked up, but seeing those tests on her counter pulsed a fear in me I didn’t quite understand at the time.
I’m not ready to be a father, and I still don’t know if I even want that in my future.
I thought we were protected. I thought we were safe. And that’s the root of my issue. As it turns out, my issue wasn’t with her or even that box at all—it was my own fears that I was going to fuck this all up, and I made it into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I did fuck it up.
I realized it two days ago, but by that point, I figured I should just wait to see her in person to admit the truth.
And now here we are. I’m moments away from walking through the door and making my big confession so I can pave the way to winning her back.
Only…that’s not exactly what happens.
