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Of all the things I thought she might say, I don’t think that was it.
Her words send ice through my veins. “Your…your period is what?”
“I started the shot, and we had sex the week I started it. Everything I read said it’s fine, and I feel fine. I don’t really think I’m pregnant, but just in case, Kelly gave me the tests since she figured she wouldn’t need them.”
“And you just…decided to keep this from me? More secrets and lies?” I ask. I’m not really angry that she kept Kelly’s pregnancy from me. It wasn’t her news to tell.
But this? A scare?
This is something we could’ve faced together.
“It’s not like that,” she protests. “I’m scared, okay? What if I am pregnant? You’re scared as hell of babies and commitment and all of this, and I’m not ready to lose you because of something we didn’t get the chance to plan.”
I take another swig of my gin. “You’ve got it all figured out.” I shake my head as I mimic a woman’s voice. “Grayson is too emotionally immature to handle a baby, so I’ll just deal with it on my own.” I cut the voice. “Well, what if you are? What then? Were you just going to lie to me and hide it until you could train me to accept it?”
“Are you kidding me right now? I’ve been fucking terrified to take that test because I was scared of what your reaction would be if I was, and so I haven’t. I know I’m not, but I still had that five seconds of fear. What if I was? What then? How would you handle it?”
“Fuck, Ava!” I roar. “It’s yet another complication we’ll never know the answer to because you don’t trust me enough to tell me the truth!”
She looks small and scared standing there behind her chocolate, but I’m finding it hard to muster up any sort of sympathy.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“So am I,” I hiss. “I’m sorry you can’t be honest with me. I’m sorry that this,” I say, waving between the two of us, “just isn’t working for me.”
I leave those as my final words as I storm out of the room.
Chapter 52: Ava Maxwell
The Absolute Worst Possible Thing
He’s angry, and I get it.
He has every right to be. The absolute worst possible thing in his eyes is more secrets and lies. It took a long time to get past that first one, and I finally felt like we were in a place where he trusted me—where we’d make it through anything because our feelings would be enough.
I should’ve put the box under the sink, but I haven’t been back to the house in weeks. I did a little research and learned a good chunk of women don’t get their period at all with the birth control shot. I’m guessing I fall into that percentage given that I don’t feel like I’m pregnant.
I should take the test just to rule it out.
But does it matter now?
He made his feelings clear. I suppose it’s not the fact that I might be pregnant or the commitment factor. It’s the fact that as he sees it, I’m keeping something else from him.
I get that he’s sensitive about the whole thing, and maybe I should’ve just told him about the test and my fear and all of it. He’s probably right about that. How are we going to have a future together if we can’t talk about these sorts of things?
Emotions are high tonight, and he overreacted. By morning, he’ll cool down. We’ll talk it through, and we’ll get back on the same page again.
We have to. I gave him my full honesty when I told him I wasn’t ready to lose him. I know his instinct is to run. I know his instinct is to fuck things up. This is him putting up a shield, and it’s up to me to help him work through that so we can come out on the other side stronger than ever.
Only…that’s not what happens.
I give him time to cool down before I head up to bed, but he’s not actually in bed. I’m not sure where he is at all. I’m not even sure if he’s still at home.
The bedroom—our bedroom—is dark and quiet, and I lay there wondering if having a pregnancy test on my bathroom counter that isn’t even mine is really going to be the thing that breaks us.
As ridiculous as it sounds…it is.
I get up way too early after a restless night’s sleep.
