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What felt like hours of sleep might have only been a few minutes. I know she can taste the gin rolling around my taste buds, but my brain is sharp, clear and I am positive I want to sleep with Jane tonight. But there’s caution in her eyes. A wariness I can’t stand.
“I want this. Don’t you?”
“I do,” she replies, her voice shaky. “I’m just worried we’ll regret it in the morning.”
The mounting pressure in my chest slowly fades, and my mouth lifts into a smile. I run my fingers through her hair, then cradle her face. She’s wearing makeup, something I’ve never seen her do, and when I remember why she’s wearing it, my heart aches. It wasn’t for me; it was for FedEx guy.
Jealousy engulfs my entire body, but I remind myself that I told her we weren’t a thing; this was casual. I belittled what we had until she was practically running for the door. And of course, she’s allowed to date. Only, I’m the idiot who shouldn’t have let her go.
I drop my hands. “You’re right,” I say, and watch disappointment shadow her features.
She shifts and rolls off of me. Fixing her skirt, she adds, “So, we’re good then?”
“Yeah, we’re good.” I nod and sit up, crossing my arms at my waist. The pain beneath my ribs stabs me from the inside out, making me queasy.
Jane doesn’t move, and though I don’t lift my head, I can feel her staring.
“We’re good, Jane,” I insist. “Go to bed.”
Still, she doesn’t budge. Her naked feet remain stuck to the ground. She’s painted her toes a sexy, coral pink color and I’m struck by the urge to suck on them. And I’ve never wanted to suck on anyone’s toes before.
“Jane, please go to bed,” I snap, standing so we’re face to face, or rather, her face is level with my chest. She peels her gaze up, painting me with her dark, wet eyes framed by thick lashes. “Don’t look at me that way.”
“What way?”
“Like your cat just died. You and I both know this is for the best.”
She inhales, nibbling on her lower lip. “You’re right. I know you’re right, but…”
She tucks her fingers into her palms, wrenching her hands.
“But what?”
“Simon wasn’t that great.”
“Who’s Simon?”
“The FedEx guy,” she says, smiling.
“Oh. He wasn’t?” Somehow my fingers gravitate to her hand, tracing the grooves of her knuckles.
“No, he wasn’t. I had fun,” she begins, her fingers lacing through mine. “But only because I kept imagining I was with you.”
“Jane…” I say in warning, looking down at our interlocked hands.
“I can’t help it, Joe. Don’t you think we should get it out of our system and then call it quits?”
“You think that’ll work?” I ask with a laugh, pinching her chin, forcing her to meet my eyes.
She licks her lip, torturing me with that sexy swipe of her tongue. “I think so.”
I crouch down, gripping her shoulders. “And what if it doesn’t go as planned?”
“I guess we won’t know if we don’t try.”
Our foreheads meet, and we release heavy sighs at the same time.
“That’s the problem. If I try, if we start this…” I pull back, meeting her volcanic gaze that sends blood rushing through my veins and destroys any intelligent thought. “I won’t be able to stop.”
