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“No, I want to have this conversation with you-”
I elbow him hard in the stomach and scramble through the doors, using my badge. I quickly step inside the facility and out of sight.
But not out of earshot.
“Silver’s still not talking to you, then?” Ian asks.
“No, I’m afraid not. She sure can hold a grudge.” Onyx sounds sad, but I don’t care. She’d be sadder if I was in her life.
“You helped her. You saved her ungrateful ass and got her a roof over her head. She should thank you.”
“Thanks, Ian, but I don’t think she’s ever going to forgive me.”
“Forget about her. Ross has a song he needs heard. He wants someone to act as an audience. Want to hear it?”
Jealousy burns in my chest, and I squeeze my eyes closed so I don’t have to hear anymore. She has everything, and I have nothing. Onyx will never understand how hard it was for me. Memories flash through my mind, and I start gasping. I clutch at the wall, struggling to breathe.
How terrifying it was to sit and listen to alphas banging on the door, trying to break in. How monstrous it was to exist when they waited until she left for work, calling for me endlessly through the thin wood. Sometimes succeeding in breaking in and taking what they wanted. She will never know about the times I went with strange men just so I could escape the ones hunting me. How tired I always was. How she thought I was home all day, and I was just being hunted in my home, in my neighbourhood, everywhere. I didn’t tell her that hunger made me weak, and weak made me vulnerable. I never explained how much I resented her ability to escape.
I could never look her in the eyes, so I lashed out instead. Causing hurt to hide my pain because I was just so ashamed.
Shame, that memory of shame, is a bucket of ice water that douses the flames and calms my panic. There is no escape from the past. No way to fix what is so wrong.
I ruined myself. No, they ruined me. Until there was nothing good left. All I wanted was to be safe. And, sure, it got a little out of control. Money equaled safety in my eyes. Power meant I’d never have to be that scared, helpless omega again. I could stop all the pain. I could do anything. All I needed to do was use what I had to protect myself.
It didn’t work. It failed epically. I lost my chance at a pack. My sister. My home. All of it was gone.
Onyx had freedom. Now she has power, safety, and love.
How can I tell her what life was like? How can I explain and see the pity in her eyes? Or have her ask why I didn't tell her? Like I could? Would she even believe me? I didn’t trust her not to leave me. Our mother hated me. Our father did, too. He just hated Onyx more. But our mother…she was supposed to love me, too.
But she treated me like a rival. Like a challenger. Like a threat. Onyx was her loving child, the beta of her heart. I was the omega unwanted, the cause of her suffering.
I was a child.
I slip around the corner, looking inside the hall, and find it empty. I go back inside and pick up two boxes. Then I carry them back to the table and start filling bags. That’s all I do now. Work. It’s all I’m good for.
“Ian thinks you ran.”
I tense and force myself to relax, shrug, and keep working, pressing my lips into a thin line.
“Yet, here you are working again. You didn’t run from work or from him. You ran from your sister.”
Quinton’s words hurt. He’s a twin. He knows how it feels to be so close to someone you wonder why you have separate skins.
“Onyx is happy and not part of my life anymore,” I say tightly, refusing to cower.
He rounds the table and ducks his head down until he’s staring me right in the eyes. I freeze, frozen under his knowledgeable glare. “She’s your twin. Cutting her off is either the cruelest thing you’ve done or the most painful.”
“Why can’t it be both?”
“You’re selfish to inflict such damage on your sister. She’s been nothing but kind to you, even when you don’t deserve it.”
I flinch at that savage cut.
“Perhaps my cruelty is kindness,” I mutter so softly he doesn’t hear me.
“A twin is a gift.”
