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Willow nodded. It had been Dev’s uncle, her father’s brother, who had molested her as a child. She’d never breathed a word of what he’d done to her to her parents, afraid they wouldn’t believe her. But the damage to Dev’s psyche, emotions and self-worth, had been devastating. Dev saw all men through the same fractured, dark lens, thanks to that sick bastard. “Well, you’re twenty-nine and you’ve been around to see the world. You have every right to your observations.”
“You and Shep were good for one another.”
“Yes, in bed,” Willow admitted, leaning against the counter, waiting for the cup to fill. “Looking back on it? I think the stress, the danger, never knowing if you’d live one minute or die the next? That was one major cause of our divorce. We were too stressed to think straight or clearly when we’d get into a fight with one another.” She set to work on the sandwich and, in a few minutes, handed it to Dev on a plate.
“Never mind. Shep could never open up to you emotionally,” Dev said dryly, turning, taking the cup from the Keurig. “You want this one?”
“Yes, please.”
Dev handed her the freshly made cup of coffee and put in a second K-cup, sliding the mug beneath the machine. “Has he opened up to you at all? Or is he still the same immature surfer dude as before?” She took the tuna sandwich and began munching on it as she waited for the coffee.
“It’s too soon to tell,” Willow admitted, blowing across the steaming coffee, and crossing the dining room to the table, sitting down. After a moment, Dev, her own coffee in hand, took a seat opposite Willow, who went on, “He seems to really want to make amends. And to tell you the truth? I’d rather have him trying to smooth things out between us than be all closed up like he was before. He actually asked about me and my parents and family. I almost fainted, Dev. He’d NEVER asked me personal questions like that before.”
Chuckling, Dev drawled in her best Southern voice, “Looks like he had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment?”
Laughing softly, Willow said, “I don’t know. Maybe he’ll share it with me someday.”
“I saw the way he scanned you over at the airport.”
“Oh?” and she gazed in Dev’s direction, seeing that cat-like satisfaction on her face. “What look was that?”
“Well, if I may be permitted to surmise, I’d say the dude is still in love with you.”
Snorting, Willow muttered, “Gimme a break, Mitchell! There’s no way in hell!”
“Okay,” Dev said, giving her a shrug. “You asked. I’m just telling you what I saw.”
“You’re reading his face wrong,” Willow muttered defensively.
Dev gestured toward the buffet. “Okay, then tell me this: Why do you have Shep’s photo among your family’s photos, Willow? Ever since we hooked up as pilots here in Ethiopia, those photos have been out for everyone to see.”
Grumpily, while Dev grinned, Willow sipped her coffee and said, “Sometimes, Mitchell, you’re too friggin’ smart for your own good.”
“Maybe. Observation has always been a strong point of mine. The first time I came to your condo here, I saw the family photos and HIM. Remember? I asked you who he was?”
“Busted.”
“I won’t hold it against you, girlfriend.” Dev’s grin widened as she finished off the tuna sandwich. “So? Tell all. What happened when you brought him here?”
Flattening her lips, Willow stared over at Dev. “We were always good friends. Always. And it was as if three years hadn’t gone by at all; it felt like only a day had passed since last seeing him. We fell into our usual friendly back-and-forth with each another. It blew my mind. I walked out on him and I was the one who demanded the divorce, but it’s as if it never happened. Really crazy shit. I’m still confused about what’s going on here.”
“But?”
Grimacing, Willow looked up at the white stucco ceiling above her. “Shep is not a bad person, Dev. He never was. But dammit, he was closed-up emotionally. And I could never figure out WHY. And he would never talk about his past, his parents or what his growing-up years were like.”
“Yeah,” Dev intoned sourly, “we were all brainwashed, mangled and branded in that first eighteen years of our lives, weren’t we?”
Willow knew Dev’s childhood had been a hot mess. Her father was an F-16 jet pilot. They’d moved pretty much every two to three years to a new base somewhere in the world. Dev’s mother, Jennifer, was also an Air Force pilot and flew C-130s. Dev had taken strongly after her mother, and she too had flown the same C-130s for the nearly ten years she’d been in the military. “Yes, no argument from me.”
“If I didn’t have trust in you, Willow, I’d never have opened up to what happened to me as a very young child. And I feel strongly that Shep probably had a crappy childhood. And he’s not wanting to share it because he probably feels humiliated and shamed by it. Tell me? What kid in a rotten family wants to own up to it and brag about it? Nada.”
Willow said, “Then? Does it come down to a matter of trust? Is that why Shep never let me in? Never let me share what he felt emotionally within him?”
“I think it might be that, in part,” Dev said, hesitating. “I’ve found so many people are lousy parents, and that the child is deeply wounded and scarred before they even leave the nest and make their way out into the world, off-balance, and trying their best to look normal when they weren’t. They lived in a private hell.”
“‘Normal’ is a knob on a dryer and that’s it,” Willow muttered. “I always thought Shep did trust me, but maybe you’re right.” It hurt to think that because she had trusted him with her life. She loved him. She couldn’t see how anyone who was truly in love wouldn’t trust their partner a hundred percent.
Dev saw her frown. “Maybe he trusted you in some ways, but not in others? It sounded like you two really loved one another.”
