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"As much as one can be with a metric fuckton of injuries and being locked in a van with the world’s horniest chauffeur.”
“I heard that,” Moose says. “Though I don’t dispute it.”
“It isn’t far to Costa Oscura, and I’ll be behind you all the way.”
Dixon leans down to kiss me. “You know what I’m looking forward to when all this is over?”
His voice is so warm I want to wrap myself in it and take a nap. “What’s that?”
“I want to wake up in the morning beside you, to share a breakfast with you, to take a long ride along the coast with you, where we ride for miles and miles seeing nothing but sand and the endless ocean, and smelling nothing but the sea, and when we come home and we fall into bed together, and after we fuck, and then fuck again, I want to stretch out in bed and realize the only thing I’ve thought about all day is how much I love you and love being with you.” He leans down and kisses me like he’s never kissed me before. When he looks at me afterwards, there’s such heat in his gaze that I feel my heart catch fire. “Then, the next day, I want to do it again. Over and over, until we have no more days left.”
I’m breathless, smiling; I want to open the door and climb into his lap, straddle him, and kiss him until my lips stop working. I want tomorrow to be here already; I want Dixon in my arms, in my bed, in my life for the rest of my life.
“I’d like that.”
Moose clears his throat. “I hate to interrupt love, but we have to get moving. We were lucky that they’re allowing us to transfer you to Costa Oscura general for the last of your care, and Eliza had to pull some strings to make it happen, but if we take too long, they’re going to worry and some people might get in trouble.”
Still, Dixon and I take some time to linger with our lips together.
Let the world wait.
Because it’s hard to part, even for a second, from the man who makes pain, hopelessness, and trauma seem like nothing more than a blip in my rearview mirror. I want to wring every bit of enjoyment out of this moment where I’m kissing the man of my dreams.
But we must kiss longer than I realize, because the next thing I know, Moose has started the van and kicked it slowly into reverse, and I have to break my lips away from Dixon to avoid being run over.
“It’s only a couple hours away,” Moose calls out. “You two waited your whole lives for each other. You can wait just a little longer.”
Smiling, I walk to my car.
When I start the engine, with the sunshine on my face and warmth in my heart, I look over at the empty passenger seat and I can almost see my brother there. But, unlike all those other times where in the past where I’ve thought about him, I don’t feel sadness or loss.
In fact, my smile grows, and I know Lucas would be proud of me.
Epilogue
Dixon
After years of feeling empty, like there was nothing to my life except executing the club’s orders and tempering the pain inside with the black hope that someone, or something, might end my life, it feels wrong to have a life that’s full. To wake up in the morning without a sense of regret, but hope instead. Men like me don’t get these kinds of endings that feel like beginnings. We end in blood; we end in pain; we die — alone.
It’s almost enough to make me forget about everything that happened before.
Almost.
As time goes on, as the months of Rafael’s trial draw to a close and it’s only a matter of whether he gets sentenced to double or triple digits in prison, that almost is something that I know I’ll be leaving in the past, too.
One day, I wake up with the golden sun rays streaming through the slats of my window shade and I roll over to see the spot next to me empty. The pillow’s warm, but barely. This isn’t like Alexandra; she still works late, pouring drinks at the bar because it’s something she enjoys and she’s as addicted as I am to having her days free for long rides.
I sit up, stretch, and slip out of bed.
“Alex?”
“In here,” she calls out. There’s a strange note in her voice. A wavering. Part excitement, part fear, entirely foreign.
It sets the hair on the back of my neck up.
The bathroom door is shut, and I approach it and knock.
“You OK?”
