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"Oh my god," Piper muttered and picked up her bag from the back of the van.
Motioning to Piper, I asked the two girls an important question. "Do you ladies want a photo to commemorate this moment? My assistant here will be only too happy to make sure this is a treasured memory to tell your grandkids about."
"Babysitter," Piper snapped. "Not assistant."
"Sorry, my babysitter would love to take this photo."
The girls nodded eagerly and shoved their phones at Piper before they hurried close to me, beaming for the camera. Piper gave me the most ‘are you fucking kidding me’ look and snapped the picture.
"Could you get another one?" I asked. "Sorry, I wasn’t flexing in the right angle."
Piper muttered under her breath but obliged, taking another fifteen pictures before I felt like we captured the good, ol’ fashioned Roman spirit. The girls were ecstatic and Piper refused to speak to me as we walked up to the student center. No matter how many, fifteen or twenty, times I asked if my new photographer was okay.
The line at the student center wrapped around the sidewalk and my good mood went with it.
June grimaced. "How do we organize dorms and we still can’t figure out—okay, whatever. Whatever. Guys, we need to talk about something." She gathered us up like we were in a summer camp and put her hand on her hip. "There are behavioral expectations." An audible pause followed, and she raised an eyebrow my way.
I frowned. "Why are you looking at me?"
"Because you are the behavior problem," Piper muttered.
"Hey, now." June shook her head. "We’re not pointing any fingers."
I scoffed. "What the hell? You just did."
"But if we were pointing fingers," June continued, making the active choice to ignore me. "We’re pointing fingers at everybody. Remember, we have Marrs badges. No one leaves campus. No drinking, on or off this campus. No one needs to involve themselves in behavior that could reflect…poorly on Marrs University."
The line inched forward and everyone shuffled together, but I couldn’t believe it. This group of nerds made a trip across state lines and that was it? No fun? Goddamn stupid. And with all the looks and stares and actual fingers pointing at me in the dorm’s lobby, they might as well have dressed me in the Romans mascot.
This wasn’t what I signed up for when I signed up for college football.
"This is bullshit," I swore under my breath and held up a hand when someone’s flash went off next to me. "Do you want to try and ask for a photo next time?"
The guy stammered out a response and disappeared. In his wake was Piper, staring down at the paper in her hand.
I jerked my thumb towards another camera. "Aren’t you supposed to tell me to play nice?"
"Adam, I’m trying to focus."
"It’s sex ed," I retorted. "Just show them a bill for daycare."
"I am trying to focus."
"Or show them a child support check. If they don’t get it, they’re a lost cause. Let them drown."
Piper lowered the paper a little. "You don’t want kids?"
"No." I laughed. "Because I have common sense."
"Uh-huh."
She returned to her paper too quickly and I chewed the inside of my cheek, watching her as the line crept even slower.
I wasn’t used to conversations ending early. Or…I wasn’t used to being the one who didn’t end them. Piper was so engrossed in her lesson plans, she didn’t even look up at me. Her gray eyes narrowed in concentration. Her full, pink lips were pressed together with just the hint of a dimple. I forgot she even had dimples.
"Kids fuck up your life," I blazed on, keeping an eye on Piper for her reaction. "They’re messy, their immune systems aren’t developed, they get sick all the time, they’re so much work. I mean—look, you’re talking about condoms during your class, right? I should be your poster child," I assured her, pointing at myself. "I wrap it up every time. Not just because if Ryan ever found out I got someone pregnant, he’d kill me. That’d get a hell of a lot more views than the Marrs Manwhore video. No one is more careful than me—"
"Adam." Piper yanked down her paper.
