AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Forget about dinner,” Dante said with a benign smile. “I’ll go see what my brothers-in-law are up to, after all.”
Maddie had worked through so many tears that she no longer even noticed them falling. It was only the occasional splash of salty water against cardboard that made her realize she was crying again, and in those moments, she’d use her sleeve to wipe her face, then keep working, packing up the remnants of their lives. Jack, at her urging, had taken himself on vacation to Florida. She’d wanted to spare him this. He’d been so happy to have finally accepted Rocco’s offer and to have the matter in the background, that Maddie had wanted to spare him the task of sorting through their worldly goods and making piles. For goodwill, for selling, and for storage.
She had also wanted to save him from seeing her heartbreak, for that was what it was, she now admitted. Heartbreak, pure and simple.
It was heavy inside of her, an organ that had, at one time, been the core driver of her body’s functions and was now a blackening lump. Useless and unnecessary. Instead of pumping blood, it served up a daily dose of grief, reminders, constantly, of Rocco. Of what he’d offered, and she’d refused.
Of what she could have been doing, night after night. Not the sex, though that was a part of it. But it was so much more than that. When she thought back to their time together, it was Rocco himself she’d come to crave. His laugh, his conversation, his personality, his power. The power that came from the very core of a man such as him—confident and commanding, naturally bent on shaping the world to his will.
But that had included Maddie, and she couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t bear the risk of succumbing to him completely—and was there any other way to be with Rocco? Could she ever really have been ‘casual’ with him? Of course not. He was a man destined to be someone’s sun and moon. Maddie’s? No. Not Maddie’s.
But that didn’t mean she wasn’t hurting, with all of herself. It didn’t mean she wasn’t almost catatonic with regret. She missed him, with all of her heart, and she was starting to think she might miss him, for all time.
“Maddison, open up. I can see the light,” he said, banging on the door, looking up and down the street before remembering: no one was home. He’d made sure of that. He’d bought each and every one of her neighbours’ houses. There was only this one remaining.
He banged once more, waited, then dropped his head.
She was home; he knew she was home. But she wasn’t going to answer. She wasn’t going to let him in. It was just like the calls she’d refused to take, the texts she hadn’t responded to. She was showing him that it was over.
Why wouldn’t he get it through his head? Why couldn’t he just accept it?
Because you love her.
Dante had unlocked a vital piece of understanding and now that he had, Rocco couldn’t fail to understand. He saw it every time he looked back on their time together, in each and every one of his misguided, stupid actions. His head had been pushing her away even when his heart had been pulling her towards him. It had been a contradiction, the whole time. That’s what he had to explain to her. What Maddie did with that information, well, that was up to her.
Sleep had been another casualty in the past week. Maddie had found the nights torturous, her dreams dominated by Rocco, memories she didn’t want to have swimming around her mind, so she’d worked on packing until all hours, until she was so exhausted that she could curl up at any time of day or night and drift off. It didn’t last long, but just an hour here and there was enough to recharge her batteries for the next stint of this.
Sometimes, she wondered when it would end. When would she stop being tortured by thoughts of Rocco? When would she be free of this mess? And did she really want to be? It was the final question that made her whole body turn cold because surely she was glad she’d escaped. Before anything truly awful could happen.
Unlike with Brock, Maddie had made her escape in time. She’d done it on her terms, at the right time, and that was a good thing. Wasn’t it?
She squeezed her eyes shut now, scrunched up in a ball on the sofa, ignoring his voice. Even his voice permeated her dreams, she thought, resentfully, but also with longing. What she wouldn’t give to have his voice be real. To be able to reach out and touch him, to see him. One last time.
Just one last time, really?
She tried to swallow, but a lump had formed in her throat that made it almost impossible.
“I know you’re there, Maddie. I just want five minutes.”
She sat bolt upright, staring at the empty wall opposite, her heart banging around in her chest, then jerked her head towards the door.
“Maddie?” Three bangs, then silence.
She closed her eyes against wave after wave of longing and wanting. Of regret. Of missing. And even though she’d promised herself she would never answer his calls, reply to his texts, or see the man again, she found herself moving as if drawn by a strong magnetic force, pushing her to standing and then almost gliding her across the floor and down the corridor towards the door. She told herself she’d leave it to fate. If she opened the door and he was there, great. They’d talk. But if he was gone, that was great, too. A hole opened up in her core at the very idea he might have left, and without her knowledge, her step quickened.
She wrenched the door inwards, bracing herself for what she might—or might not—see.
But Rocco was there, hands on hips, body braced, eyes boring into her—or rather, the door, where it had been just a moment ago—as though he could open it with kinetic force.
The moment their eyes met, she felt a jolt inside, a locking into place of something she didn’t understand. Wariness immediately came to her rescue, reminding her of all the reasons she couldn’t just step forward and wrap her arms around him, reminding her of everything that had come before. Reminding her, even when the most incontrovertible truth of all was simply this: she missed him. No matter what had happened between them, or to Maddie in the course of her life, she missed him. And it hurt like hell.
But missing someone wasn’t enough of a reason to throw caution to the wind and ignore all your guiding life principles. Was it?
She straightened her spine, angling her face to him with what she hoped was cool determination. “What are you doing here?”
“I had to see you.”
Her heart thumped. She had to see him, too. She just hadn’t been willing to break that barrier. She’d erected it, after all.
