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“Hey,” he scooped down and lifted Harper up, somehow juggling the tray of coffees, paper bag, all the while plopping Harper on his hip as though he had all the experience in the world with young children. He was a natural at everything he did. “This one’s for you.” He held out the coffee tray towards her, indicating which she should take.
She smiled at him self-consciously as she removed the drink. But why? What was it about him today that was making her feel so awkward?
“I was worried about you last night,” she said honestly, taking a quick sip.
“I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” The words snagged in her throat a little. “What happened with Max and Andie?”
“I spoke to them,” he said, putting Harper down at their feet then reaching into the bag and removing a small cupcake. “Okay?” He checked with Skye, who nodded, watching as Leandro handed it to Harper. She squealed again, with even more delight, and wandered a little way off, to sit down on a thick patch of green grass, fascinated by the delightful decorations on the baked good.
Skye kept her eyes on the toddler as Leandro spoke. “Actually, better than okay. Talking to you somehow gave me a new perspective on it. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have spoken to them. So, what I really wanted to say is: thank you. I thought you were my escape from all this, but in the end, you were my salvation. You made me stop running, just by being here for me, and I will always appreciate that.”
She shook her head, not expecting those words. Thickness grew in her throat. “I’m glad you were honest with me, and them.” She sipped her coffee. Heaviness shifted through her. She glanced at him quickly then looked away again. “So, what happens now?”
It was such a layered question.
He looked totally relaxed though. “With my family?”
That wasn’t what she’d meant. She’d blurted out the question because she’d wondered if this changed anything with them. Would he stop coming to New York now that he felt free to stop running?
“With everything.” She took another sip of coffee. “What does your future hold?”
He couldn’t fail to see her meaning. He glanced at her slower, held her gaze longer. “I don’t know. But I do know I want you to be a part of it.”
Everything slowed down. The world stopped moving. His parting remarks last night were inside of her though, and she couldn’t help asking, “As a friend?”
His expression gave little away. “That bothered you?”
She kept her gaze trained on Harper, who was slowly wiping a finger around the frosting and lifting it to her lips. She was methodical and deliberate. Far from just stuffing the cupcake in her mouth and asking for another, she was making each precious moment count. She didn’t get a lot of treats, so she was clearly determined to enjoy it.
Skye felt as though she was on a precipice. What she knew to be good for her and what she felt she wanted were two different things. But having been hurt so badly in the past, she clung to the knowledge of her mind, ignoring any other whispered murmurings.
“Not at all. I didn’t expect to meet your family, nor for you to introduce me to them. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“Out of interest, why do you say that?”
He didn’t disagree with her, she noticed.
“Because that’s not what we are.” How many times had they said that? It was their mantra, their safety stone.
Silence sat between them. Skye sipped her coffee, doing her best to seem nonchalant, but she was glad when a dog bounded towards Harper and she had an excuse to walk away from Leandro, going to supervise the interactions. A short chat with the dog’s owners ensued and it was several minutes before she returned to Leandro. She’d needed the time to get her feelings under control. They were rioting without her permission, making her head and heart spin and tug and roll with turmoil.
She loved spending time with Leandro, but that wasn’t a good thing. She’d only known him a matter of weeks and he was already like the air that she breathed, somehow essential to her survival and happiness. She looked at him and saw the embodiment of everything she wanted in life, and knew that deep in her heart of hearts, she would do anything he asked of her. She groaned softly, drawing Harper’s curious little gaze. Maybe if this was a whole other world and she weren’t a mom, completely responsible for a little person’s life and growth, she might have been prepared to roll the dice on this and see where it went. But she’d ‘been there, done that’. She’d given everything to Jay and he’d taken it, and then more, and more and more until she didn’t recognize herself. She didn’t think Leandro would ever do the same thing—not intentionally. But Skye would. She would give Leandro everything she had, and if anything went wrong, she’d be destroyed. A risk she would take if she were alone in this world.
Harper picked up a little stone and angled it towards the sun. The stone had tiny little flecks that sparkled. “Pretty,” she smiled, blinked across at Skye for agreement. Skye nodded quickly, glad to have an excuse to stay crouched down with Harper a moment longer.
“Yes, darling, very pretty.”
Harper was her reason for being, not Leandro. Those two things couldn’t be true at once. She’d learned that in a very hard way—she was still paying the price for how much she’d trusted Jay. She couldn’t ever make that mistake again.
She stood slowly, turning back towards Leandro. She saw no traces of emotion in his face. It was as if her final statement had done nothing to him, whereas inside, she’d been angsting over whether or not they could ever be more than ‘friends’ or the ‘casual fun’ he’d suggested.
They couldn’t.
She knew that.
No matter what happened, she had to end this, once and for all. For her sake, for Harper’s, no matter what Leandro said, no matter what he promised. She wouldn’t let herself believe in happily ever afters. Not again.
