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“What problems do I have?”
“How about being afraid of relationships? Not all men are like those two assholes you dated. You’re never going to find out if you keep pushing people away. You serial date, one here, one there. How is that meaningful?”
“It’s not, but at least I don’t fuck everything that walks by in a skirt.”
“Maybe you should since you’re afraid of cock.”
“Fuck you, Nate.”
“If we did, you would know what it was like to be fucked. Maybe you should give me a shot.”
My mouth drops open. He says it with such acid in his tone that I’m wondering if it’s the weed talking or he has an issue with me. I say nothing as he leaves me standing there. I can feel tears prick my eyes because Nate has never talked to me that way before.
I have no time to worry about his baggage. Our apartment looks like the city dump, and the bathroom is disgusting. I change into old sweatpants and a partially ripped t-shirt. The first thing I do is spray the vomit that dried on the floor in the bathroom. Let that sit for a while before I scrub it, which is probably going to make me want to puke.
I find rubber gloves in the kitchen cabinet and put them on to finish wiping down the kitchen. What a fucking mess this place is. At least no one came into my room. I decided that even though Nate was an asshole, I’m going to clean his bedroom. I fold his clothes, one by one, and find a bag of weed and some pills in a baggie under a pair of jeans.
I’m fucking pissed because, as far as I knew, Nate was only smoking weed and doing nothing stronger. I dump everything in the toilet and flush it. We’re going to have to have a serious talk when he’s more coherent and less belligerent.
Chapter 7
The rest of my week has its ups and downs. Work is beautiful now that Nicky knows I know about his little trysts with the interns. He’s backed off me considerably and even thanked me for getting the Dayton manuscript to him on Wednesday morning. The turnaround is wonderful.
I haven’t seen Jordan since we spent time in his limo. He has texted me and sent flowers to the office again. Nicky didn’t say a word when they were delivered. It made me smile. I miss Jordan, and every time I think of what he did to me, I get wet.
I’m looking forward to the weekend with him, but we haven’t discussed it since Tuesday. I’m not sure it’s even a go.
Nathaniel and I have passed each other like ships in the night. He has been working all this week. He goes right to bed when he comes home at four or five in the morning. He hasn’t brought any guests to share his bed since our fight. By the time I come home from work, he’s gone. I am pretty sure he’s avoiding me, and it hurts my heart. I love Nate, but I can’t condone his self-destructive behavior. I worry about him.
By Friday afternoon, I still haven’t heard from Jordan, and I’m beginning to wonder if we’re going to spend the weekend together. Just thinking about it has made me crave him. I haven’t told my family about him because I’m not sure where this relationship is going. Is it just sexual, or are we going to date?
I’m well aware of the friends with benefits thing since it was all that my sister Megan would do after a bad breakup. She was blindsided by a man she dated for over two years. I guess that would turn anyone off on relationships. I’m not like her or my sister Lexi who had long term engagements. Frankly, I’m not sure what I am as far as relationships go.
As I get ready to leave for the day, my cell goes off with an incoming text.
I’m sorry. I’ve been working for the past several days on a contract negotiation that just isn’t going to work without me in person. I’m leaving for Vancouver this evening, Jordan.
I feel my heart sink. I was looking forward to spending time with Jordan all weekend. Now that’s not going to happen. But I knew when I got involved with him that his business might take him away. Really, we’re not together yet. I don’t know what we are at this point. I give him a short and curt response rather than get emotional.
I hope it goes well. Talk to you soon.
I grab my purse and stop in the bathroom before I leave. When I come out, Nicky is standing in the hallway and calls my name. I feel depressed, and I’m not really in the mood to talk to him, but I go anyway when he gestures me to his office.
“What is it, Nicky.”
“Don’t wait around for Jordan.”
Fuck, how does he know that I’m seeing Jordan? I decided to feign ignorance.
“Who’s Jordan?”
“Come on, Emma, I know you’re seeing my brother.”
“How? We’re barely together.”
“I saw you go into his limo on Monday.”
“How do you know it was his? There are a lot of executives around this area of Midtown.”
