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“Gee, I’m sorry that this doesn’t work for you,” he snaps.
“Nate, I need a friend now. You can’t just spring this on me and expect me to fall into your arms.”
“I think this is a perfect time. You need someone like me. Someone that knows you. I know everything about you, Emma, even the embarrassing things.”
I feel my face begin to heat. He does know everything. At the time I told him, I was telling a friend, not a potential mate.
“I have to get out of here. You can’t do this to me,” I cry.
“Emma, why are you getting so worked up? I told you I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be a couple.”
“My head is all fucked up. I can’t give that to you. Damn you, Nathaniel, why couldn’t you wait or tell me sooner.”
“You know what, you are fucked up. You want to go, go. I put my heart out there, and this is what I get? Just remember who was always there when you needed him. Me. All the signs were there; you just couldn’t read them.”
“I have to go. I need to go home.”
“I’ll have my housemate take you to the train.”
I get home from Southampton at 3:15 AM on Monday. I had no intention of going into work anyway and set my alarm for eight, so I can call the office to let them know I’m not coming in.
I only fall asleep from exhaustion. My mind is twisting in fifty different directions. I don’t know what possessed me, but I listened to the other voicemails Jordan left me while I was on the train. Each message sounded sadder and sadder, his voice cracking to the point where I was sure he was actively crying.
My life is a mess. My best friend hates me because I won’t return his love. I love Nate, but I can’t see us as a couple. We’re too different. He’s a night person; I like the day. He loves to party, and I’d rather sit down with a good book. He can be impulsive and brooding; I’m more practical and even-tempered.
To top it off, I can’t shut my feelings for Jordan down as easily as I say I can. I’m still in love with him. I’m sure there’s an explanation for his cheating, but I’m too hurt to be rational about it right now. I want to hit something hard. So hard that my hand bleeds so, I can feel.
I toss and turn, maybe getting one hour of sleep. When my clock buzzes, I call work and tell them that I’m sick and not coming in today. I settle back into bed and fall asleep until late in the afternoon. Today is not the day for me to give a shit. I take my phone out of my purse, and I delete another string of texts from Jordan. I listen to the voicemails he leaves, and I know he’s been here looking for me.
Food sounds horrible, even though I haven’t eaten in almost twenty-four hours. The only thing I want is a drink of water. My phone rings while I’m waiting for the tap water to get cold, and I want to ignore it, but I look and see that it’s Lexi.
“Hello?”
“What the fuck is going on, Emma?”
“What? Why?”
“Jordan called Hunter at the office and said he didn’t know where you were. So, where are you?”
“I’m home.”
“He told Hunter he’s been to your place several times, and you weren’t there.”
“I was with Nate in Southampton for the weekend.”
Her voice softens, “Emma, do you want to tell me what is going on?”
I exhale loudly and the whole fucked up story of Jordan, Nate, the shit that is my life tumbles out of my mouth like vomit. I just can’t stop until it’s in the open. Lexi hesitates before she speaks.
“Why didn’t you tell me before? Last week when it first happened?”
“Because I always dump my crap on everyone. I wanted to deal with this alone, with Nate and now I don’t even have him. What am I going to do about him? I can’t lose him. He’s my best friend.”
“Emma, you need to decide who you want, and you need to talk to Jordan. You can’t assume something and not allow him to tell you his side of the story.”
“Lexi, I saw the pictures. How can you explain them away?”
“Maybe there is an explanation. Talk to him.”
