AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Can I see the letters? They were written to me.”
He got up from the sofa and walked toward our bedroom as my mind raced with all the questions filling my head—so many what-ifs that could have derailed us.
I was back to staring into space when Greer returned carrying a large shoebox. He stopped in front of me and handed me the box.
“I’m going to give you some privacy while you read them. Just keep in mind I was a mess, and it may get a little...” he waved his hand in the air as he tried to find the words.
“Mushy?” I asked, trying to interject some lightness.
He smirked. “That word works. But I guess maybe honest works, too.”
“I can work with honesty, any day of the week.”
Greer smiled and nodded. “I’ll be in the bedroom unpacking those boxes, if you’re okay with that.”
“I’d love that.”
I watched him walk down the hallway to our bedroom, his fingers testing the tenderness of the bruise on his face. When he disappeared from sight, I looked down and lifted the lid from the box.
I pulled out a stack, determining that they were actually postcards, not letters. But there were hundreds of them, making my eyes fill with tears. I pulled out three, choosing the first one, another one from the middle, and the last one. Sitting them face down on the sofa, I returned the others to the front of the box where I’d taken them. If they were in order, like I knew they probably were, it was a place to start.
Picking the three up, I read his words, and broke my heart all over again.
May 19, 2010
Dear Austin,
I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I just need to explain in case you never give me the chance. I’m so sorry for not showing up. I got in the taxi and made it to the front door before turning around. There’s no other way to say it than I was a coward. I knew if I had one night to indulge in this endless attraction, one night would never be enough. I’ve committed myself to a friend, and if I had you, I never could have done it. And if, god forbid, something were to happen to you while you served, I’d never recover. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you, so I was selfish and thought of myself. But one thing is true. I regret what I did and want you with every fiber of my being. I’ll wait and pray you’ll give me a chance to explain one day. I think I’m going to do this, write you cards, until you come home.
Yours,
Greer
I wiped away a stray tear that fell down my cheek, carefully placing the card back in the box. I knew most of what I’d read, because he’d told me in Costa Rica. Picking up the next one, I turned it over, smiling at the familiar handwriting.
November 29, 2017
Dear Austin,
You’re home on leave, and it kills me not to be at Carter’s for Thanksgiving with you. I’m so damn happy to know that you’re at least stateside with your family. Carter told me about how your teammate died during a mission. It was the most difficult conversation to have, trying to be supportive of your best friend, while trying not to fall apart yourself. My greatest fear played out in that conversation, and I’m so goddamn thankful it wasn’t you. Let’s just say I didn’t last long on that call.
But there’s something you need to know. I love you, Austin. Not platonically, and not as my best friend’s younger brother. You consume my thoughts, and if you ever give me a chance to make this up to you, I will. One day I hope I can tell you that. Be safe, love, and come home to me.
Yours always,
Greer
I sat back, more fucking tears slipping down my face. I remember the day Nate died, like it was yesterday. GQ was inconsolable, because they were together. The world looked different after that day. We couldn’t get past it and were a danger to ourselves in the field.
Nate’s death changed everything. We all had a new perspective on life. I allowed myself to think about Greer a little more, and how much I missed him. And when GQ wanted to move to Portland to be closer to his family, I couldn’t say no. Wouldn’t say no. Even though Greer lived there too, and I knew I’d see him at some point. Maybe that’s what I’d wanted all along.
I tucked the card into the side of the box. Putting it back in order right now didn’t seem like such a big deal anymore.
When I picked up the third card, I could hear Greer moving around in the bedroom, and that’s where I wanted to be. Close to him. But I needed to read the last card. And I was so glad I did.
It was written a week ago.
Dear Austin,
