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“I forgave you a long time ago,” I said, then pointed over my shoulder. “I’ve got to go to the fan thing soon. I need to shower…”
Patrick looked panicked, then stepped forward and reached for me. His big hands skated from my shoulders down my arms. He held me close enough to feel the heat radiating off his skin.
“Babe, please come home. I’m so sorry,” he begged, pulling me closer.
It would have been so easy to drop my forehead to his shoulder and fall into his arms. But that would hurt us both even more.
“I love you so much and I’m so sorry for what I said. I’ll do anything–”
“Patrick,” I said, pushing away from him, “love was never the problem. I just can’t live in the closet and you can’t come out.”
“We just need some time to work this out,” he pleaded, his voice cracking. “I promise I’ll fix this. Just come home. You can have our room and I’ll sleep upstairs. I’ve got so much to tell you, and I just need a chance. We deserve that, Cole.”
As I stared into his beautiful eyes, all the memories of our life together played on a loop in my head. God, I wanted to say yes, but I knew nothing would change. It would be one excuse after another, and we’d be right back where we were.
“Patrick,” I whispered. He studied me, his eyes frantically searching for some sign that I wasn’t going to push him away. His heart was breaking in front of me.
“I’ve got to go. I can’t do this right now,” I said, fighting the tears. “I’ll call you when we get back. I just need to get some rest so I can think straight.”
Tears filled his eyes as the realization I wasn’t coming home with him set in.
Suddenly aware of where we were, Patrick nodded and looked to the floor, wiping his eyes with his palms.
“Yeah. Okay. You call when you get back.” He swallowed hard.
A softball-size lump formed in my throat, and all I could do was nod. When I could speak, I wiped my eyes and cleared my aching throat. “I will. I promise.”
With nothing left to say, I turned to walk away, but he caught my hand and pulled me into his arms for a hug.
I closed my eyes and dragged in a shuddered breath, finally letting the tears come as silently as I could. I hugged him tightly and felt his chest shudder with emotion against mine. Holding on to the love of my life, I took a moment to memorize the feeling of being in his arms. I could breathe again with him here.
“I love you,” he whispered into my ear, voice wrecked with tears and emotion. “We aren’t over, Cole. I’m not giving up on us.”
I swallowed the new lump in my throat so I could reply. “I love you, too.”
Taking another step back, it physically hurt to pull out of his arms and put distance between us. He’d been everything to me.
Turning, I walked away from the love of my life and left him standing in an empty hallway. I headed for my dressing room, where I could finally break down.
CHAPTER 6
PATRICK
I stood in the hallway, frozen in place and completely numb. I’d been so certain Cole would want to come home with me, but evidently, I was wrong. Maybe he’d found a way to live without me over the last eight weeks.
A strangled sob was threatening to burst out of me. Quickly, I covered my mouth with my hand as the reality of my life finally began to sink in.
I had to get out of there before it reached the surface. There would be no controlling it when it broke loose.
I glanced back over my shoulder, trying to figure out how to get out of here without being seen. But I couldn’t think. I’d been here many times with the band, but now my mind was so wrecked that I couldn’t tell you where anything was.
So I did the only thing I could do. I started walking as if the pain might stop if I left that spot. I didn’t want to be here when Cole came out. He didn’t need to see me like this. Like the broken man I’d become.
I stumbled along until the area became familiar again. The back exit to the parking lot was twenty yards ahead, and I just had to make it to the car. Michael had given me a parking pass for the back lot since I’d hoped Cole was coming with me.
But he wasn’t. And he probably never would.
How was I going to survive this?
