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But if something happened to Carver…she didn’t know if she could recover from it.
She cared about him.
All right—she loved him, if she was honest with herself. But she’d never tell him how she truly felt.
Memories of their shared moments rolled through her head like scenes of a movie. The times they’d argued. Carver waking up covered in hair from her cat who slept on his chest all night.
And their bodies entangled just hours ago in the bunkhouse.
A shiver coursed through her. The dark look in his eyes worried her more than anything.
No way was he going to let her walk away without a fight. She’d seen him with his men. He was steadfast. Loyal. Somehow, he’d shifted those feelings on to her.
And oh god, she wanted to hold on tight and never let go of them.
Her future seemed more uncertain than ever. What happens when she can’t find the money to pay off Smythe? He’d keep coming after her.
She was glad to have evaded his notice all his time, but now she’d ticked him off. He wanted his fees for shooting his man and “looking at him funny.”
Now Smythe must be on the run, and he’d be really unhappy about that.
She had to admit that she’d been caught up in the idea of being in love with Carver. Too caught up to see there were weeds forming between the cracks.
Truth was, she wasn’t that girl. She didn’t do relationships.
Carver had given everything up for his country, including his peace of mind. She heard him waking from nightmares those nights he slept on her couch. She couldn’t give him the peace he deserved.
She sipped her drink, half an ear on Meadow and Ivy talking quietly about their father. Livia hadn’t said a word about what she shared in the truck on the way to the Gracey Ranch with their father. But maybe she should try to explain to her friends, to kickstart the healing between them.
“Dad says he’s feeling stronger today. Has more energy.” Ivy took a sip of her cocktail.
Meadow nodded. “He does seem less tired. But there’s something else in him. Do you think he’s hiding more stuff from us?”
“I’m sure he is. He never would have admitted that he owed so much to a loan shark.”
Livia set her drink on the deck and looked at her friends. “He’s remorseful, you know.”
They blinked at her.
“He really carries a lot of guilt over all of this,” she went on. “We talked in the car when he picked me up.”
Meadow pressed shaky fingertips to her lips. “I knew he hadn’t really changed so much from the father we knew. He just made bad decisions.”
Livia reached out and settled one hand on Ivy’s and then reached for Meadow’s. They each squeezed her hand in return.
After a moment of warmth, they all picked up their glasses again.
Livia sank back into her dark thoughts of Carver. Whatever happened, she had to be honest with herself and Carver. He’d call it running from her fears. She called it facing them.
She couldn’t live through losing another person close to her.
And she already had practice being alone.
* * * * *
Carver’s chest burned with irritation. He hadn’t sat down at the dining room table because the thought of sitting after being chained to that pole made him want to break shit.
As the guys talked, forming a plan of action—and attack—against Smythe and the bastards he paid to come after all of the people associated with the Graceys, Carver paced the length of one wall.
