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‘If that’s what you want.’ His voice was flat, distant.
It wasn’t, but she didn’t want to just be a solution to a problem.
‘What I want is to be loved. What I want is to truly share my life with someone, not pretend to share it with someone just to please a bunch of shareholders I’ve never met. And I suppose I should thank you, because you made me realise I deserve better than this. I deserve more. I deserve someone who loves me.’
‘You do,’ he said hoarsely. ‘Look, Lily—’
She cut across him. That he had so easily given in, given her up was like a spear lancing her heart. But she couldn’t stand here and listen to him tell her that he was fond of her. ‘All I ask is that you hold off making any announcement about us until after I’ve told my family.’
‘Will Lucas be okay?’
Lucas. Without him, she would never have agreed to this engagement. But she couldn’t use him to stay with Trip now, couldn’t use love in that way. And oddly, Trip had made her see that she didn’t need to feel responsible for her brother. She would protect him, but her family was strong and they would stand together. As for herself, no troll could inflict pain that would match that of staying with Trip and knowing that it would never be real.
There was a sharp beat of silence and then he nodded. She took a deep breath. ‘I’ll just get my things—’
She held her breath, hoping, praying that he would stop her, stop this from happening. But after a few beats of silence he said stiffly, ‘I’ll get Lazlo to organise a jet.’
‘You don’t need to do that.’
He glanced towards the window. ‘I want to. In fact, I insist on it. The main airports are probably under siege by the paps and I said I’d keep you safe.’
His matter-of-fact tone made her flinch inside. The last time he had spoken those words, his voice had been soft and tender. Now it was as if he were sitting in his office, dictating a letter to his PA.
But then this had always been about business for him, she thought, her pulse pounding hard in her head. Keeping control of Winslow. He had never promised love.
‘I’ll wait downstairs. Come and find me when you’re ready to leave.’
Her legs felt as though they were no longer solid beneath her. It was unimaginable to be without him, but it would be worse, so much worse to marry him and then have to wait for it to end.
‘Thank you.’ Clenching her fists to stop her hands shaking, she lifted her chin. ‘Goodbye, Trip. I hope it all works out for you—’
He didn’t look at her. Just continued to stare at the window and then abruptly he turned and walked away. She watched his back, willing him to turn around and come striding back to her. She pictured him pulling her in his arms and telling her that he needed her in his life for ever.
But this wasn’t a fairy tale, so instead he kept walking and she kept standing there, her heart breaking, shattering inside her ribs.
CHAPTER TEN
LEANING FORWARD TO rest his elbows against the kitchen counter, Trip stared blankly at his laptop screen. It was good news, the best in fact. Winslow had just signed a deal with the world’s biggest fitness tracker. It was his project and it had sent share prices soaring. His email was clogged with congratulatory messages from trustees and shareholders. He had no need of a wife to improve his image.
But there was nobody to share the moment.
His chest felt as if it had been hollowed out with a spoon. He was alone.
Not officially. Not publicly. Not yet.
That would happen tomorrow. If he could find the right words.
It was two hours since he’d walked out of their bedroom, and it felt like a lifetime, but he could hardly rush her. So he was giving her space even though he still couldn’t believe that it had ended this way. That it had ended at all.
It made no sense for her to react as she had. Everything had been going perfectly. There had been a smoothness to every second that he knew logically was beyond her control and yet her being there seemed to give everything a tensile certainty. But, at some point between stepping on and off the punt, it had all fallen apart.
Don’t say my name.
That was what she’d said to him, and it had been a shock, like a physical blow, because he knew how it felt to hear her say his name and he’d thought she felt the same. Only her voice had had that snap of some last thread fraying, as if she’d grown tired of pretending.
And that had hurt, so he’d done what he always did when something pushed him away. He’d pushed back.
He could still see the expression on her face, that mix of shock and hurt, and he knew that was on him. But Lily had caught him off balance talking about separating and then suddenly...
