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Chapter 50
Poppy
They forced me to come outside today. Get some good old vitamin D. Sunshine.
The fresh air does feel nice. My room started to feel stuffy. Harper even brought over a pumpkin spice room diffuser. I never thought I’d see the day she was supporting my addiction to fall scents.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I didn’t love it anymore. It reminded me of home, of my parents' house, and that’s why I fell in love with it initially. It created a false sense of security that I still had my parents and brother with me—warm and cozy.
Warm like the fire that took it from me.
My days of loving pumpkin are over.
Are those angels I hear rejoicing? She’s moved on from pumpkin spice! Praise the Lord.
I wonder what scent/flavor, if any, I’ll cling to next. Maybe s’mores. A campfire, the smell of cinder and smoke with some sweetness. A campfire where you sit around and tell haunting stories like my own.
“I hate this,” Harper declares as she leads us through the rose garden, her hand swatting at a bee flying near her.
Don't swat it. You’ll only provoke it.
Fuck. I see Andrew everywhere, even in flying pests that sting.
“Please fucking talk to me. Shout, cry, scream,” Harper pleads, her long blonde hair whipping around as she turns suddenly.
I want to tell her that shouting and screaming are the same. I don’t look up. I can’t meet any of their eyes. I can sense her blue eyes are intense right now, almost piercing, as she stares down at me, a mix of frustration and concern etched across her face. It's probably like the time she dragged me to a sale and almost didn't get those designer shoes she was lusting over.
Ok, that was rude. I know my life crisis is bigger than a sale in her mind.
“Do you want me to go insane too? Talk!”
Ah, the good old guilt trick.
She glances down at the dirt for a long time as we stand in silence.“Please,” she whispers, begging.“Please don’t let him win, Pops.”
How do you defeat a ghost?
How do you vanquish thoughts?
The only way I know how to do that is to end it all. Think no more, breathe no more.
I won’t do that, Harper, but I don’t know how to make it stop while I’m trying to breathe.
I understand what Andrew meant when he said he was going to take my mind, my past, present, and future. I can still feel the spray of blood sprinkle over my face; it was slightly warm. It felt like I was a kid running in the yard, getting kissed by the sprinklers watering the grass. But the truth was it was Andrew's blood and brains hitting my face. It wasn’t a lot, just the side splash of it as the bullet exited out of the side of his head. Some of the blood got on my lip. I tasted it, not meaning to, but I did.
I swallowed it.
Digested the truth.
I think about it. See it on replay. It’s all that fills my mind. Andrew’s face, his smile, the look of glee in his eyes right before he pulled the trigger.
He knew he would live on, haunting my mind.
He became immortal.
Chapter 51
Poppy
