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Goodbyes are exchanged. Val and Kat give me meaningful looks as they hug me goodbye. We all pile into the car and head home. Connor is quiet in the back seat. Carson glances in the rearview mirror and then grins over at me. “He’s practically asleep.” I nod. “I could drift off myself,” I admit sheepishly.
Carson’s warm, answering smile is a sign of satisfaction. “He’s now part of the Knight clan,” he murmurs. My smile falters at his words, but his eyes are on the road, so he doesn’t notice.
That night, Carson makes slow, sweet love to me. Afterward, we fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Doctor’s offices everywhere have the same medicinal smell and vibe. This one is no different. I chose to go to a general practitioner, but I know deep down what the blood test will reveal. This morning, my breasts were tender, and I felt slightly nauseous until I ate another bagel smothered in cream cheese. You’d think that would upset my stomach, but instead, it settles it down. It was the same when I carried Connor.
I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans, the thin denim offering little comfort. Right then, they call my name. “Anna Johnson?” I stand and follow the nurse to the back.
Now, I’m sitting on the examination table. “You’re here as a new patient. You came in for a regular check-up?” she confirms as her eyes scan the form in front of her. I nod, then say, “Yes,” as her eyes haven’t left the screen. Her eyes finally cut to me with a friendly gaze. “ Is there anything else we should know?”
I lick my lips, the action automatic, before forcing out the words, “There’s a possibility I could be pregnant.”
At my admission, the nurse simply nods. “This states you’re currently taking birth control pills; is that correct?”
“Yes,” I admit, clearing my throat. “I called my nurse practitioner, and she called in a prescription here locally.” I quickly stammer the next part in a rush, “I called her the day after we…” My voice trails off, a faint blush on my cheeks.
The nurse gives a curt nod. “I’ll make a note of that.” She busies herself with the computer once more, tapping away at the keyboard. “Alright, let’s get your blood drawn. The doctor will be with you shortly.”
She leaves me sitting in the cold room wearing a paper gown. The first nurse already took my blood pressure. When she said it seemed a little high, I explained I was nervous because of the visit. She just gave me an impersonal nod as she jotted something down.
I sigh and then hop down when I spot a magazine lying on the counter. I carry it back as I climb onto the examination table and then skim the pages and pictures. My mind is too filled with conflicting emotions to want to read an entire article.
Finally, I hear a light knock, and then the door opens. It’s an older male doctor with graying hair and faded blue eyes, but his smile is warm. “Hello, I’m Dr. Simon,” he says as he holds out his hand. His palm feels warm against my colder one.
He approaches with an old-fashioned clipboard. He sets it down and then listens to my heart as I take a deep breath as instructed. “Your blood pressure seemed a little high when we compared it to your records. but the nurse said you were nervous?” He asks that as a question. So, I answer him. “Yes, a little.” He looks down at the clipboard again. “You’re single with a ten-year-old child?” I nod quietly, fidgeting in the paper gown, the coarse material prickling my skin as I wait for his next words.
“Well, you’re still young and healthy. The blood test did confirm you’re pregnant.” He stops as I absorb his words. They leave me feeling numb. But really, I already knew I was pregnant, so I shouldn’t feel so stunned.
“Did you have any difficulties with your first pregnancy?” He inquires.
“No,” There’s a dullness to my answer. He looks up sharply, “Were you hoping for other news?”
With a soft smile, I assure him, “No, doctor. Not at all.” I place my hand protectively over my abdomen. I already cherish this child.” His eyes shine at my words, and he gives an approving smile. “In that case, I’ll recommend an OB-GYN, but since your iron is a little low, I’ll go ahead and prescribe some prenatal vitamins.”
After he leaves, I methodically remove the paper gown and put on my clothes. I quietly leave the room and follow the exit signs to the front.
The woman at the counter says, “Congratulations, Mrs. Johnson. Here’s a written prescription. You can have this filled anywhere.” She then goes over the papers and pamphlets she has for me. She puts everything in a bag and hands it to me. I pay, and when I turn to leave, she states in a cheery voice, “Have a great day.” I paste on a smile. “Same to you, thanks.”
Once I’m in the car, the engine off, I grip the bag tightly. I sit there for a good ten minutes, and each second seems like an hour. Finally, I power on the engine and drive back to the apartment.
A knot forms in my stomach as I wonder what I should do with the pamphlets the doctor gave me. Connor constantly forages through the car’s glove compartment, so leaving them in the car is out of the question. I can’t take them into the house. I don’t want them found, and I don’t want to throw them away. I remember Carson gave me a key to the storage room.
I pick up the bag, walk through the garage parking lot, and unlock the storage room door. I hesitate about which box to put them in. Then I see the bright yellow box filled with Graham’s stuff. It’s perfect. I lift the lid and put the bag of pamphlets inside, keeping only the papers I need. I fold those and place them inside my purse.
I take the elevator up to the apartment. I’m not yet ready to discuss this with Carson. I decide to bide my time and tell him once the moment is right. My lips twist in a cynical smile as I wonder if there will ever be a right time to tell him.
That night, we gather in the living room with popcorn bowls in front of us. The movie is good, but the emotional scenes tug at my heartstrings, and my eyes fill with tears. I try to discreetly grab a tissue from the box sitting on the end table.
Carson catches my movements and grins, his eyes soft. He leans over and gently wipes the tears from my eyes. Then kisses me on my nose, and my eyes fill with tears again. “Hey, are you okay?” He asks in a low voice.
“Yes,” I hiccup. “It’s just… the movie,” I explain, my voice thick with emotion.
He grins. “I know, women cry at movies.” He puts his arm around my shoulders and leans me into him. His hand rubbing up and down my arm in a soothing gesture. I swing my legs up on the couch as I lean into his warmth. The weight of the secret I carry becomes a heavy burden in the pit of my stomach.
My eyes flutter shut sometimes during the movie. They blink open when I hear hushed voices, “Mom fell asleep,” Connor says in a loud whisper. I immediately hear Carson, “Shh… don’t wake her. She seemed tired.” Then, “Okay,” in another loud whisper from Connor.
My lips twitch, and then I slowly sit up, “I’m awake, guys.”
