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Ididn’t think it could hurt so much.
But it does.
Even my toes hurt.
Everything that could go wrong, did. I lay on my bed, hugging Mr. Figglesmort to me and close my eyes. When I got home yesterday, I took all the money paid for my work and paid my bills and sent the rest to my brother.
He’s been calling, of course he has, but I haven’t listened to any messages or read the texts. He needs the money. This is why I did this. I know it’s not anything near the amount he needs to dig himself out of the hole and start again, but it’s something. I failed.
As for me?
I applied for jobs. After all, what did Hudson say? I’m poor and no one would ever believe he’d choose me. The words, the sentiment sting. I’m not good enough for him. Lower than low.
Worst thing is, I never meant to hurt him at all. I wanted to help. I started out trying to help my brother first and foremost, but even before I got to know Hudson, I’d never have tried to screw him over. Just help. The deeper I got, the more I wanted that.
And now here I am. On my bed at eleven am, hugging a ratty old bear like I’m six. Feeling pathetic and sorry for myself.
The knock on my door rouses me.
With a sigh, I open my eyes, put the bear down and get up, crossing to the door.
Amber’s there, a worried expression in her dark eyes. “Should I ask?”
“No.”
“He’s just a man. And this is New York.”
I stop her, putting my hand on her arm. “It’s complicated.”
“And you’re miserable.” She gives me a hug, enveloping me in a cloud of spice-laden perfume. “Listen, if this guy doesn’t appreciate what he has, then don’t fuck him.”
And I laugh, in spite of the misery rocking me.
From behind me my phone buzzes and I know it’s Danny.
“Scarlett, if you need to get away, say the word. My cousin’s got a place upstate, Catskills, it’s pretty basic, but it’s great and there for the using if you want to just escape…you know…”
“Thanks, Amber. I’ll keep it in mind.” I give her a hug back. “You’re the best.”
She winks. “I know! I have to head to work, but just remember, no man is worth misery.”
And she’s gone. I go to my room and close the door, leaning against it. She might be right, but how do I tell my heart that? I straighten up and go to the bedside table and pick up my phone. Yep, Danny. And this time, I can’t miss the text that followed his call.
What the FUCK? Five pm. Essex Wine Bar. NO EXCUSES.
Shit. I do not want to face him and let him down. I’m letting down everyone. The money I sent him isn’t going to save him, just buy time and that hurts, too.
I take a breath as I note the time. Thing is, I’m going to have to meet up with him. He’s my brother, but I have time to kill today. It’s still fairly early, and…
Devastation might have set up house inside me, but I’m not going to let down the other man I love. I can’t do anything for Danny—any more than I’ve done, but I’ll be there for him. But Hudson…
I’m not going to let him lose the things that are important to him. I can’t.
That’s just too much loss and I didn’t set out to hurt anyone. He might not want me, but it doesn’t matter. Love isn’t about gratification, it’s about being there and giving, and being the best you can be. I’m not saying hang around when it’s futile, but I built this, I also brought it tumbling down. The least I can do is rebuild. For him. And then quietly go away.
I go to grab the manilla envelope and it’s not there.
I never opened the thing, but it’s got all the information I need in there, and—
