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“I would have talked to him if he would listen, don’t you think?” her voice pitched up, and I raised my brows at her. Well, it must be difficult for her to control herself. She ran her hand through her hair and looked away from me. I didn’t say anything, but again, I wished I had ordered a drink when I first came in.
“I know your impression of me isn’t exactly glowing, and, in a way, I understand that. I accept it. I was wrong to be like that, regardless of how I felt seeing you with the man I loved. I shouldn’t have acted all jealous. But I can’t go back in time and take it back; I don’t even know if I could manage that. I just cannot lose the man. I don’t want to lose him.”
I sighed and buried my face in my hands. I thought about going back to work on Monday or stopping by Christian’s house and telling him about this brunch that I was certain he and Allison would have dissuaded me from attending if they knew about it. I thought about my heart breaking.
“I’d really like to help you, but wouldn’t that be considered a conflict of interest?”
“Conflict of interest? What are you talking about?”
“I like Christian,” I said, and sat straighter, feeling light at the words that had left my mouth. It felt relieving to be able to talk about it like this, even though Aurora wasn’t exactly the ideal person to tell.
“You like Christian?” she said back to me, and I nodded.
“I’ve liked him for a while, which is why I’m telling you about it so you wouldn’t feel -”
“You bitch!” Aurora thundered, standing up so quick that the chair fell to the side. Her face fell immediately at my confession. “I’ve spent all this time telling you how much I love him, and you were just laughing in your head the entire time. You like him?”
I knew she wouldn’t take to the news well, but all of her reactions seemed a bit excessive. She was calling attention to us with the way she was acting, like I pulled up out of nowhere and took Christian while they were still together. The man in question didn’t even know how I felt about him.
“I wasn’t laughing at you,” I said as if that was what was important.
Aurora stood still for a while, fist balled and her chest heaving.
I don’t know her next action, but I hoped she wouldn’t do something stupid like try to fight me. She might not know me, but I am not really opposed to fighting in the middle of a family-friendly cafe.
“I thought you were going to help me.”
“Aurora, I hardly know you. Christian is old enough to make his own decisions. And I really do like him. I’ve liked him for so long that I can’t remember a time when I didn’t like him.”
“Stop talking,” she said softly, not even looking at me. I was already on a roll, and slowing down or stopping was really out of the question. I was going to do nothing of the sort. I had to get it out of my chest, all of it.
“And I don’t want to keep hiding how I feel about him. Honestly, I have no idea what would happen if I told him, and he doesn’t feel the same way. But Aurora, I’m scared to lose him too. Aside from being someone I love, he’s someone I’ve always had by my side. I don’t think I could survive the loss.”
Was that too honest? I didn’t know, but I also didn’t care. I took a deep breath to steady myself. That was the most I’ve ever admitted to anyone about how I felt about Christian. Even with Allison, I’ve been evasive, admitting it but not really saying much about it. She knew I felt something for her brother, but love?
I scoffed at the realization that it wasn’t simply the feelings I had for Christian, which shouldn’t surprise me because if I’ve managed to hang onto it for this long, then it wasn’t an ordinary emotion.
“You’re not going to tell him that,” Aurora’s voice pulled me out of my head. I was so lost in it that I didn’t even realize she was already sitting down.
“I will,” I said, and I believed my own words for the first time. Whatever I was feeling, it would be more terrifying if I went through life without telling Christian how I felt about him. I wanted him to know how much I cared about him, and if he felt differently, like Allison said, then at least I tried.
“You aren’t going to do that,” Aurora said, and rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t love you; he has never felt like that for you. If he did, in all of the years you’ve known each other, it would have made a show, so maybe spare yourself the grief and don’t interfere in our love story.”
“It’s hardly a love story if he cannot stand the very idea of you. Listen, Aurora, from one girl to another, don’t pine over a man who doesn’t want you. It’s not a very good look, and threatening someone with feelings for said man is even worse. You’re better than this, and you don’t really need to hear it from just me. More people should say it to you.”
I didn’t wait for her to reply; I got to my feet and looked down at her. “I hope we never meet again, and if we must meet, this should not be a matter we bring up again. Everyone should pursue their interest by themselves, and may the best one win.”
I turned around to walk out of the cafe, hoping my racing heart wouldn’t fail me now. Seeing the look on Aurora’s face as I left felt gratifying. I hoped we never did see each other again, so I could remember her with that look for the rest of my days.
Outside, I stood in front of the cafe for a while, allowing the sun to hit my face. It felt like it was a brand new day for me because it’s not every day that someone gets to admit that they’re in love with someone, and that too, to the ex of the said person.
Honestly, at that moment, I felt like I could do anything. Instead of hurrying over to Christian and confessing my feelings like I was sure I implied I was going to do, I pulled out my phone and texted Allison.
Hey, wanna hang out?
Her reply was instantaneous. Like you have to ask, I have so much to tell you about dinner last night. Meet you at the Clover Club?
I couldn’t help the grin on my face as I typed my response. I knew I was going to get details of what went down at the dinner, one way or another. But having it at the time when I needed my confidence boosted, it felt like the universe was desperately trying to align in my favor.
