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Charles didn’t seem to have an opinion… or at least he didn’t share one. I’m still on the fence because I’m not sure how Methew will react to the news, or if he’ll find some way to use it against me, because he’d been pretty intent on getting me to go back to his place. The only reason he’d want to do that, I can assume, was to try and seduce me.
I do have to say that now that Charles knows the truth, a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have to say that I'm relieved to know that he still wants me, even though he knows I've been lying to him all this time. Maybe I should have come clean about my daughter sooner, but everything seems to be working out exactly the way it needs to.
“You look like you're agonizing over something.”
I glance up at the doorway and meet my mother’s gaze. For a moment I decide to turn the tables. “You know you're here an awful lot, Mom. Do you ever go home?” As soon as I say the words, her expression changes and I know I've made a mistake.
“Is everything okay?” I feel awful for making a joke out of something that clearly hit a nerve. Then the implications begin to sink in, and I realize this situation might be worse than I’m even thinking on the surface. “Mom?”
She walks in my room and takes a seat on the bed beside me. Without her saying a word, I already have an idea what she's about to tell me. First, I just need to know that she’s okay. “Is he okay? Are you okay?” I'm worried for both their sakes.
“He is okay.” She folds her hands together and tucks them between her thighs, staring down at her lap. “And I think I’m okay.”
I can't help but think about my light-hearted jokes and how I've been poking fun at their relationship not that long ago. “Do you want to talk about it?” I lean against her, putting my head on her shoulder.
“I think I might be ready.” She leans her head against mine and we sit in the same way we have since I reached adulthood. “I think we both just realized that it's over.” There's a quiet exhaustion in her voice, as if she's more tired than she's ever been in her life. I can't help but wonder how long she's felt this way and if I could have done something to help along the way.
“I'm guessing he didn't learn how to cook pasta.”
My words just hang there in between us, and she lifts her head and looks down at me, a slight smile curving the corners of her lips. “Or maybe he got tired of sandwiches.”
I can't hold back a slight giggle at her words. You know, right now might not seem like the best time to be joking, but in all honesty, a light moment between the two of us is exactly what we both need. “What happens next?”
She lifts both shoulders. “Next we file for dissolution. We both know that we can't fix our marriage, so why fight? Maybe we were never really a good match, but I'm absolutely grateful for him because he gave me you.” She puts an arm around me and pulls me into a gentle hug.
I grapple with my feelings of fear, pain, and sadness. While I'm glad that it means that maybe both of them can move on and find happiness, I also mourn the loss of my childhood and the life I thought I had with the family I never thought would separate.
“Are you okay?” The fact that she's asking me how I'm doing while knowing that her marriage has fallen apart makes me ache even more.
“I will be. It's kind of a surprise and a lot to take in, but I'm here for you both.” I do love both my parents, but it's no secret I'm closer to mom. Still, I mean it when I say that I will be there for both of them if and when they need me. “How long have you known?”
“It's been about a week.”
“That's really recent.” I feel like the world's worst daughter for not noticing and not being more supportive in the moment. “I'd have done anything I could to help if you had told me.” I feel awful that she didn't feel comfortable telling me when things happened. “I can't even imagine the weight of going through that alone.”
But she pats my leg. “But I’m not alone. I was never alone. I have you.”
Hearing her say those words makes me feel good, but I wish I'd been there in a more supportive role. “I love you. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Just keep being you. I have to admit, I've really been enjoying my time with my granddaughter lately. She has a really good way of putting things into perspective.”
I nod my head along with my mother's words, knowing exactly what she means.
“You've got to stop beating yourself up. I know that you feel like you don't get enough time with her, but trust me, you're a good mom and she loves you so much.” She reaches around me to give me another hug. “The worst part is it's never going to feel like you've spent enough time. All you can do is your very best and you definitely have been, so be kinder to yourself.”
“I just want it all to stop passing so quickly and I wish that I knew the right answers.”
My mom chuckles. “Oh, honey, that fear never goes away. Even now, with everything going on having weighed all the pros and cons, I'm still not completely certain that I'm making the right choice by divorcing your father.” I can even hear a bit of uncertainty creeping into her voice. “But maybe if we talk about whatever you're struggling with, I can help you find some perspective.”
There's no harm in that idea. “Is Evie sleeping?”
She nods her head. “Yeah, put her down for a nap a little while ago. At first I thought she was too old for naps, but you were not kidding; she’s going to take one whether or not I think she should.”
I can't help but laugh. “She is a bit stubborn. I'm pretty sure she gets it from you.”
My mother glances at me with her mouth wide open, an offended sigh escaping her. “Let's be honest now, it's more likely she got it from you. Now what’s bothering you, sweet pea?”
That's a bit of a loaded question. “I'm trying to decide if I should tell Evie's father about her.”
