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He munches lazily.
“Like the Derek Incident,” I murmur. “Chester and I talked about that a lot.” I toss another leaf.
The turtle seems to nod as he chews. Maybe it’s just the movement of his jaws working. But it’s comforting to imagine that he wants me to go on.
Chester used to nod just like that when he wanted me to continue.
“I know that was about more than Derek. It was about… trust and vulnerability. And… yes. I’ve got some issues there. Of course, that all goes back to college.”
Munch, munch, munch. The ruffled green leaf disappears down his gullet. I toss him more.
“I mean, that was my first relationship. We called it love. To me, back then, that was love. And I know we were naive to think that at twenty, we could say a four-letter word and know what we were talking about.”
Then, just like that, I’m in it: The confusing maze of my past.
Back in college, I dated a guy, Sully, who I was sure I’d marry. After college, he jetted off to Italy for a year in Sardinia. While I’d been blissfully, stupidly assuming our relationship would progress straight through wedding vows and into a starter home, he’d made different plans.
“Chester says that I have abandonment issues,” I tell the turtle.
He nods.
He’s listening.
“He says that’s normal… and that if I work at it, I can have a vibrant, healthy, fulfilling relationship. But I keep seeing my friends walk down the aisle, and I’m terrified that…”
I trail off and chuck a leaf of lettuce.
This was always the point in my sessions with Chester where he’d push me a little.
“Hazel, I know you have been hurt. You’ve had problems in relationships in the past. That’s true. But that does not mean you will always have problems in relationships.”
“Maybe I’m being too hard on Jack,” I murmur.
The turtle—I’ll call him Chester, I decide—inches toward me. The remains of a lettuce leaf poke out of his beak-like jaw. As he chews, the leaf breaks apart. A piece of it falls onto the rock.
“I mean, he’s annoying to work with. We have different approaches. Different styles. But… that’s okay, right? There is nothing wrong with different.”
When a parrot swoops down to snatch up the stray piece of lettuce, I realize I have earned an entire audience.
Not just one therapist, but two.
They both listen patiently as I go on.
“Maybe Alexis is right, and on some level, he’s a nice guy. I mean, he was nice yesterday… I think. It’s hard to know. I’ve been duped before.”
“Squawk! Duped… duped!” The parrot tilts his head at me.
Even though I’ve heard the parrots at the resort mimic other guests, it’s a surprise to hear my own words thrown back at me.
For a minute, I’m stunned. Then I gather myself.
“Yeah, for sure. Duped,” I agree. “There I am, thinking something great is happening. Something romantic. Then, ya know, the rug gets pulled right out from underneath me.”
“Rug gets pulled! Squawk!”
I smile at the bird. “I heard your lot has taken up residency on this island. You sure are noisy.”
“Squawk!”
