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She tilts her head. “What’s up? I am showing you the loveliest vintage-inspired suit in the world, and you usually drool over vintage styles, and—this.” She swivels a finger at my face. “You look like you’re sitting here watching a slow-motion train wreck.”
I set my coffee aside.
I feel too sick to enjoy it. “I can’t stop thinking about Hawaii, Lex.”
She sighs. “Oh, okay. This is about Jack Morgan.”
“I just got an email from him. He’s quitting and moving on to some other job. I understand it. Things have been tense, and awkward, and…” I lean back and stare at the ceiling.
How can I describe how it feels to go from laughing with Jack over a plate of shrimp cocktail to trading formal emails about revising spreadsheets?
The difference was so dramatic that I got whiplash.
“Actually, that could be good,” she says with one of her sunny smiles. “If he’s moving on from Buzzy, you guys could try again.”
“There’s no way he wants that. He couldn’t wait to call it quits.”
Over the past few weeks, so many doubts have taken root. That awful Skype call that featured Jess has played across my mind hundreds of times.
“For all I know, he’s back with his ex,” I fret. “I mean, yeah, she was supposedly about to get married. But she sure seemed interested in Jack on that video call. It’s probably a good thing. Jack and I were so different… We live so far away.”
“Hey, being different from a person can be a good thing. You and I are nothing alike; that’s why we’re besties, right?”
I nod, but her pep talk isn’t hitting home.
My fears are too big. My doubts hang over me like a heavy rain cloud that her sunshine can’t quite get through.
In true Alexis fashion, she won’t give up on me. “You know what? How about this? Hawaii was so good for you… What if you go back? Maybe you just need a little more time on the beach, a little more time for soul-searching. You could figure out what to do about Jack there, where the magic happened in the first place.”
“I have been daydreaming about going back.”
More than daydreaming, actually.
I’ve looked up flights.
“There’s this ceremony coming up,” I tell her. “They’re releasing the sea turtles that have lived at the resort for five years out into the ocean. The staff performs a blessing, and people line the pathway as the turtles reach the water. It sounds really cool.”
More than cool.
Healing.
And… healing is what I need.
“Yes, yes! Go for it, honey,” Alexis says. “You fell in love with those sea turtles. I think sending them out into the big sea is exactly what you need. It might help you see that you’re more free than you think, too. You’ve got a big, open life in front of you. I wish you’d get that.”
“But—Lex, it’s this weekend. I can’t?—”
“Do not tell me you can’t afford the tickets. Girl, I know what you’re raking in these days, and you’ve got money to spare.”
“Sure, I have the money. But my mom?—”
“Your mom needs to learn to be okay alone,” Alexis finishes. “And you need to live your own life. If you keep sacrificing your own happiness to earn her love, neither of you will be happy.”
I draw in more coffee, then take a bite of Bear Claw.
This weekend is already packed with activities that my mom scheduled for us. It’s due to start with me taking her to the medical supply store to get a lower back pillow for her favorite armchair. Then, a chiropractor appointment, grocery shopping, and she wants us to try baking a new cookie recipe…
What would she do if I backed out?
