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“Uh-oh. You have that look on your face again.” Amy plops down next to me and I smile at her.
“That's just my face, darlin’,” I say with a smile.
She rolls her eyes at me. “No, that's your I'm thinking about my new dreamy hunk man look.” We're both sitting in deck chairs side by side as Ben and Cassie swim in an Olympic-sized pool under the warm sun. I’d been thinking about going swimming, but now I’m stuck until Amy is satisfied with whatever answers I give her.
News flash: she’s not going to be happy with anything I have to tell her.
“He’s still just a stranger, not my dreamy hunk man.” I’ve had to defend this point far too much since we’d gone dancing and they watched him and I together. I guess my friends thought things between him and me were far more serious than they actually were.
My phone chimes again and I glance at the screen. You can’t avoid me forever.
I sigh. I guess he figured out my master plan and how to foil it. I glance at the number, recognizing our mutual friend Vance’s number. I liked him - we met through our book club. I guess Jake’s really stretching to figure out who to use to contact me through.
“Jake again?” Amy sounds genuinely concerned, and I'm right there with her as I nod my head.
I don't know why Jake is still contacting me, still harassing me, still trying to get me back. Why can't he just leave me alone? I've made it very clear I want nothing to do with him, so why can't he accept that and start to move on so I can move on?
“He scares me.” I can hear the slight tremble in Amy's voice.
He scares me too. I hate that the messages he sends seem so sure that I'm going to just drop all of this and forget and take him back. Just because he says he loves me doesn't mean I'm going to let him hurt me like that, that I'm going to forgive him. What he did was unforgivable, and I will die on that hill. I just hate that he's systematically destroying the friendships I have with everyone else by getting them to allow him to use their phones to message me. Pretty soon, my circle of mutual friends is going to be down to zero, thanks to him.
But what else can I do? I don't feel like I'm friends with people who keep allowing him to have contact with me after I've made it very clear I want nothing to do with him. Those people aren't my friends, they're his. They're helping him, protecting him without giving a damn how I feel about the situation.
And the worst part is, I imagine none of them would have anything to do with a partner that had cheated on them, but they expect me to forgive him and take him back? What the heck logic is that?
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Jake has always been good at convincing people that he's the good guy, that he is the victim, that everyone else is the reason why he's unhappy or hurt or sad. I have no doubt that he's telling people some BS story that isn't even true about how I “thought” I caught him cheating, but there's an innocent explanation of what I saw. I know what I saw, and I know it wasn't innocent.
“I'm at the point now where I just block every number he contacts me from.”
I lower my phone and glance at Amy, who's nodding her head as if she agrees with my handling of the situation. “That's smart, but you might not have very many friends left at the end of this.”
I lift my shoulders in an uncomfortable shrug. “Are they really my friends? I mean, they’re letting him contact me after I've made it very clear talking things out with Jake.”
Her eyebrows rise a little bit as she says, “That's a good point. You know you always have us.” She reaches out and curls her fingers around my hand.
“I know and I'm really grateful for you guys.” I have to blink back tears as I think about how invaluable these friendships have proven since I learned what Jake was really up to behind my back. I might have gone crazy if I didn't have them to lean on.
“Maybe you should just report him to the cops.” I know that Amy means well, but I'm still not sure that that's the best solution.
Imagine if the cops showed up to tell Jake to leave me alone - or however that scenario would go down; I don't know, I've never had to involve law enforcement in my life before - he would be absolutely furious, and I'm not sure that piece of paper would keep me safe from his unpredictable rage.
It almost doesn't seem worth the risk of making him angry. He's not mad at me right now and he won't leave me alone. What would happen if I involved the law?
“Tell me more about the hot guy who got you dancing last night?” I can tell by the look on her face she desperately wants to change the subject, which is fine with me.
“There's really nothing to tell. He’s just another passenger on vacation.” I know they want this to be so much more than it is. Heck, I think I want it to be more than it is. But it all boils down to that simple explanation. He is just another passenger on a vacation trying to get away from his day-to-day life. I have no doubt that I'm just a distraction, and I’m grateful for him to be the distraction I need right now.
“Right. Well, when you're ready to tell me what's really going on, I'm happy to listen. And just for the record, I don't think it's too soon because you moved on from Jake the moment he cheated on you. So if that's what you're worried about, don't be.” With that, Amy pats my hand before standing up and heads for the pool, where Ben and Cassie both gesture her into the water with them.
They also make eye contact with me and gesture me to come in and I stand up, shedding the sundress I’d worn over my suit. I know they want to cheer me up and distract me. But I'm not feeling it. I'm not really in the mood for fun and games. I'm not really in the mood for anything because Jake is absolutely ruining my good time. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to put in the effort to try to enjoy myself.
I walk over to the edge of the pool and dip my toe, feeling the balmy warm water and trying to decide if I want to deal with the chlorine damage to my hair later. Chlorine always makes my hair frizz up and misbehave.
We’d only planned to be at the pool for about an hour before going to dinner, then watching live music afterward. Honestly, I don't care about the swimming, the food, or the music, I just want to enjoy myself and forget my troubles for a while.
I almost wonder if I should just start leaving my phone in the cabin. But the thought of being cut off from my lifeline in case I actually need it is also anxiety inducing.
From the edge of the pool, I watch my friends swim, talk, laugh, and enjoy themselves. I sit in place, dangling my legs into the water as I watch them, the reflection of the sun off the water, and look up into the expanse of blue sky with fluffy white clouds that seems to go on forever.
