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“We broke up. There was no reason to keep up the pretense if we were over. So I told her.”
“Everything?”
He nodded. “All of it.”
“How did she take it?”
“She’s disappointed, of course. She loves you. She thinks you’re perfect for me.”
“Didn’t it bother her that we lied to her?”
“Not once I explained to her that it was my last shot at getting you to see what has been in front of your face since we met.”
Damaris didn’t know what to say to that. Had it been so obvious that Nate had feelings for her? Feelings that went beyond friendship? Had she been deliberately blind?
“She wants me to fix it, but I’ve told her I don’t know how to do that,” Nate continued.
“I don’t either. I don’t know if we can be fixed.”
“But you admit there’s a possibility.”
She didn’t answer.
“Was what I did so terrible? So unforgivable? I didn’t tell you I loved you early on. For one thing because I didn’t realize it until later. Also because I knew we’d never even be friends if you had any idea how I felt.”
“If you don’t understand after I told you about Warner—”
“For God’s sake, Damaris. Those are two absolutely opposite things. I didn’t tell you I loved you. He didn’t tell you he was cheating on you with two wives and God knows how many girlfriends.”
She set her jaw and crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you done?”
“Yeah. I’m done and so are we. You don’t have to worry. I won’t bother you again.” With that parting shot, he turned his back on her and left. She heard his car start up and take off like a bat out of hell.
Was what Nate did really so bad?
He manipulated me. That’s bad in my book.
Would you ever have gotten this close to him if he hadn’t? You said yes of your own free will.
I thought I was doing it to make Grandma K happy.
Oh, get real. You know that’s not the only reason. Be honest. You were tempted. You’ve always been attracted to Nate. It’s why you tried so hard to resist him. Doing this ‘for Grandma K’ just gave you an out.
As for going to bed with him, that was on her. Sure, he’d kissed her. And yes, she knew he wanted her. But she’d gone to his room. Even then, she’d made the first move, not Nate. He’d left that up to her.
Great. She didn’t need to talk to anyone to know she’d lied to herself as much as Nate had lied to her. But she was a coward. She couldn’t admit that fear, more than anything, was what had been holding her back.
*
Three days later Nate was driving to the airport and still furious. Depressed, sure. But pissed as hell. If Damaris couldn’t see there was a shitload of difference between what he’d done and what the bastard had done, then she wasn’t worth any angst. He knew that in his head. But his heart hadn’t gotten the message yet.
He wondered if part of the issue for her was that she still saw him as a player and didn’t trust that what he felt for her was real. That he wanted her and no one else. How in the hell was he supposed to make her believe he loved her and only her?
But he still didn’t believe he could have done anything differently. Other than not tell her at all that he was in love with her. Damn stubborn woman. If only he could forget her. If only the tape in his head would quit playing, reminding him of every time they’d been together, especially before he’d blown it.
Damaris in all her incarnations. Damaris the cowgirl. Strong, sturdy, hardworking. But soft enough on the inside to take in every stray who came along, be it a horse, a dog, a cat or any other animal in need. Damaris, his friend, laughing with him, teasing him, and always having his back. Damaris his lover, blowing his mind, tempting him until he knew he’d die if he didn’t have her.
And here he was, left with memories. Memories that were all he’d ever have. He must be the dumbest son of a bitch who ever lived to have screwed up as badly as he had. It was over.
