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Sensible? Call it what it is, Damaris. You’re afraid. Afraid to open yourself up to the possibility that you and Nate could have more.
His sincerity, so clear in his eyes, turning dark green now with—“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you…want me.”
“But I do want you, Damaris. I always have.”
Stunned, she gazed at him but before she could formulate a response they were called to dinner.
Each couple had their own table out on the deck, where in the darkening night the San Diego skyline was lit up. There were three courses. A spinach and bacon salad, salmon in a buttery wine sauce with wild rice and green beans almondine, and a choice of desserts. Nate had crème brûlée, while she had chocolate lava cake.
They didn’t talk about anything of consequence during dinner. But Nate had given Damaris a lot of room for thought since they’d started their pretend relationship. Especially that day. That he’d opened up to her about his brother’s death was a turning point in their relationship. She realized that though she’d known Nate for a few years now, she only knew what he’d chosen to tell her about, and that had hardly scratched the surface.
She hadn’t known he flew Asher Chapman and his shelter animals to veterans. Wherever they needed to go, free of charge, volunteering his services as well. She’d only learned of that at the Chapmans’ party. During the plane ride to San Diego, Grandma K had told her what Nate did for her as well. While she’d known Nate looked in on Grandma K often, she hadn’t realized how often, or that he went with her to her doctor’s appointments whenever he could. Grandma’s recent diagnosis had been a surprise to him because he’d been working when she had that appointment. After Grandma K told her that she understood better why he was so determined to make her happy. To the extent he convinced Damaris to have a fake relationship with him.
Now that relationship was in danger of becoming all too real. “But I do want you, Damaris. I always have.” She’d known Nate had been attracted to her, but honestly she’d figured he’d gotten over it. Until they started this pretend relationship stuff and since then she’d realized he hadn’t, and even worse, neither had she. She’d deliberately ignored the pangs of what could only be called jealousy when he’d dated other women. Hell, she’d even gone so far as setting him up with beautiful women, all because she was afraid she could fall for him.
Nate had said he wanted her. Not that he loved her. If she slept with him, she’d want more. Was she ready to take a chance that he might want more too? What if he didn’t? What if he was fine with a friends-with-benefits relationship? Could she be okay with that or should she hold out for the real thing? And if they did get involved beyond sex, could she trust him to be faithful? To not lie to her?
It would be safer all around to remain friends. But that was getting harder and harder to do.
Chapter Fourteen
Make that impossible to resist. Somehow Nate had reawakened her sexual desire, which had been dormant for years. Oh, she’d been attracted to men she’d gone out with. But never enough to get past her fear of making the wrong choice. Yes, Warner Jarrett had been one mistake but that hadn’t been simply a mistake. It had been a flipping disaster.
But she knew Nate. Knew him well. They’d been friends for a long time. And all this pretending was getting to her. She even forgot at times that the whole thing was fake, intended to make his grandmother happy. Like tonight, on the sunset cruise. The whole night had been romantic…and real.
Of course, he hadn’t mentioned how he planned to handle their inevitable breakup. But in the meantime, he treated her like a real girlfriend. Like a woman he was romancing. If the sunset cruise hadn’t been about romance, then what had it been about? Yes, it had been beautiful. Also romantic as hell. And when Nate had kissed her on the cruise she’d forgotten everything but what it felt like to be in his arms. Wanting more.
So was she going to lie in bed in the adjoining room to his and continue to be frustrated or was she going to do something about it? If she wasn’t then why had she stopped by the hotel gift shop and bought a box of condoms? Nate almost certainly had some but she wanted these to be especially for her, not some random woman he might sleep with.
Of course she hadn’t packed anything sexy to sleep in. To be fair, she didn’t have anything sexy. She slept in T-shirts and shorts in the summer, or in the winter, T-shirts and flannel pants. It couldn’t be helped. Besides, she didn’t plan to be wearing them for long.
She went into her bathroom and brushed her teeth and hair. Looked at herself critically in the mirror. This was as good as she got. She took some condoms out of the box and put them in her pocket.
She opened her adjoining door and knocked on his. Surely he wasn’t asleep, she thought when he didn’t answer.
A moment later Nate opened his door. His chest was bare, but he’d pulled on the jeans he’d worn earlier, though they weren’t buttoned. Clearly he’d been in bed, if not asleep. “What’s wrong?”
Whoa. She’d seen Nate without a shirt before. She’d noticed he was ripped but damn, tonight he was worth drooling over. “Nothing. I couldn’t sleep so I wondered if you were still up.”
“Yes. I was reading.”
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Come on in.” She walked through the door and he waved at the overstuffed chair beside the bed. “Do you want the chair or the bed?”
“Why can’t we both sit on the bed?”
He looked at her then, his gaze traveling slowly from her head, to her braless chest, then a long, leisurely sweep down her bare legs to her toes then back up again. “Not a good idea.”
“Why? Are you afraid I can’t keep my hands off you?”
He laughed and shook his head. “No. But I know damn well I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you.”
That did it. Her stomach flipped over and heat suffused her body. The way he was looking at her spoke truth to his words.
