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Chapter Twelve
Aweek after Laurel told Zack she was pregnant she was more confused than ever about what to do. Marrying again wasn’t something she’d ever considered, especially since she’d hardly dated until Zack. But then, she hadn’t expected to get pregnant either. But here they were.
Her doctor wanted her to wait until she thought she was eight weeks along for her first appointment. A confirmation appointment, not that she needed it. She knew she was pregnant.
Zack hadn’t pushed her to answer him. He’d come over nearly every night. He continued to help her with Cody and Katrina, and to all appearances, he enjoyed being with them. He’d been super nice to her, but honestly, he usually was super nice to her. Was he really that…well, perfect? she thought for the twentieth time. She’d never seen him lose his temper. She’d seen him struggle with it, but not lose it.
Not even when Travis had slugged him. Or when Cody had spilled chocolate sauce all over his—she suspected—brand-new shirt. Or when Katrina had thrown a fit because Laurel wouldn’t let her watch another TV show and then had ignored her daughter’s subsequent tantrum. That exhibition was bound to have grated on his nerves. It had sure as hell stretched hers to breaking point.
But Zack had taken all of those incidents in stride. She wondered what it would take to make him lose his cool. He’d nearly lost it at Jalisco’s. He’d been angry with both the customer who had groped her and her boss. But he’d stayed in control. The closest he’d come to losing it around her was when she told him she was pregnant. He hadn’t been upset that she was pregnant but he sure had been when he’d accused her of thinking he was like Stan. Which she didn’t. Not at all.
She remembered Stan losing his temper—the few times he was home—when the baby would cry. Never mind that Katrina was a newborn. He couldn’t understand why Laurel couldn’t “make the damn brat shut up.” And with time he only grew worse. He hadn’t been that way with Cody. He’d been happy, at least for a while. But that was before the drugs.
Was it the drugs that changed him? Almost certainly. But Stan had been a different person when they married. And his descent into drugs had been gradual. So gradual, she hadn’t known he was an addict until months later. Which made her doubt her own ability to judge people. Especially men. Especially men she was involved with.
Zack was different, though. For one thing, he was a lifelong friend of Travis. Which gave him a number of points in his favor. Both her brothers thought he was a good guy.
She didn’t think Zack would turn into a drug addict. But she also couldn’t be sure that he truly loved her and wasn’t just “doing the right thing.” And until she was sure of that it wouldn’t be right to marry him.
Even if she was falling in love with him.
That evening, after she and Zack put the kids to bed, Laurel said, “We need to talk.”
He gave her a considering look. “Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this conversation?”
She smiled ruefully. “Because you probably won’t.”
He sat on the couch and looked at her. “I’m listening.”
She stood by the window, across the room from him. Best to have some distance, she thought. “I can’t marry you.”
“Ever?”
“I…don’t know. But at least, not right now.”
“I haven’t pressed you to get married immediately.”
“I know you haven’t. But I thought you should know what I’ve been thinking. How I feel.”
He got up and walked over to stand in front of her. “How do you feel, Laurel? Other than you don’t want to get married.”
He wanted to know how she felt about him. She couldn’t blame him for that, but neither could she admit she was falling in love with him. Because if she did Zack would not understand at all why she couldn’t marry him.
“I care about you, Zack.”
He frowned. “That’s a cop-out. It’s just another way of saying you don’t love me.”
“I don’t know what I feel.” Bullshit. You love him. You just can’t admit it. “If I didn’t care about you I’d never have gone to bed with you.”
He gave her an incredulous look. “You’re forgetting the night you got drunk and were perfectly happy to hop into bed with me. Hell, you’d have gone off with Nathan if I hadn’t stepped in.”
Shit. He might have a point. And she was also getting a glimpse of the temper she’d thought he didn’t have. “First of all, I wouldn’t have gone off with Nathan.” Would she have? God, she hoped not.
“Oh really? You said you were going to have him take you home.”
“I said that to annoy you. I’d have called a cab,” she said firmly. That was her story and she was sticking to it. “I went with you because I knew you and trusted you. I’ve admitted I drank too much—which I don’t normally do. And yes, I behaved badly and I apologized for that. I can’t take it back.”
Zack made an impatient gesture. “So what happens now? You don’t want to get married. Okay, I can deal with that. But is this your way of saying you want to break up?”
