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I want out of this kitchen, where the trauma and heaviness are sitting in the air.
Maisie stands and picks Audra up from her chair before following me. I pull one of the throw blankets off the back of the couch and spread it on the floor so she can put Audra down before I tug her toward the couch with me.
The next conversation might be as hard as the last, no point in us being uncomfortable for it though.
Sitting down, I pull Maisie with me, setting her on the cushion next to me and pulling her legs over my lap, my hands resting on the top of her thighs.
Mindlessly, I start to draw circles with my thumbs and the goosebumps that crop up fascinate me. That she can have that type of reaction after everything she went through is a miracle. That she’s comfortable enough with me to not pull away when I touch her is a gift I can’t describe.
“About us,” I start.
“Yeah?”
“I want you to stay. I want to try. I want to be here for you — you both, no matter what you decide.”
“Okay.” Her voice is small. Quiet and shy between us.
“Is that what you want?” she said as much earlier, but after what I just learned I need her to be sure.
She nods.
“Give me the words, Sunshine. Am I what you want?”
Her silvery blue gaze locks on to mine. “Yes. You’re what I want.”
I lean forward and tug her closer, lightly pressing my lips to hers in another light kiss. Her lips are so damned soft under mine. Her taste — perfect. Blood zips through my veins at the contact, and I want to deepen the kiss, drag her down with me until she can’t think, can’t breathe without my lips on hers.
It might kill me — to take things slow — but at least I’ll die happy.
“Everything is in your control. How fast or slow we move. If we’re ever together — intimately or otherwise — and you say stop, I stop. You say wait, I wait. If something scares you or you need time, I want to know and we can talk about it. No shutting me out.”
She nods. Relief loosening the pinch between her eyebrows before she tosses a saucy smirk my way. “And if I said I want more?” Her gaze drops to my mouth.
I nod to Audra who’s busy examining her toes. “That’d be a little hard right now, Sunshine.”
Maisie laughs. The sound light and carefree in the cozy evening on my couch.
“Yeah. You laugh. You’re not the one with a raging cockstand over there.”
Maisie’s eyes widen. “Cockstand?” Her gaze drops to my lap, which is thankfully hidden by her legs.
“Sunshine…” I wait until her eyes find mine. “My eyes are up here,” I say again and revel in the laughter it unleashes from her.
“Harlan. Thank you.”
“Mais—.”
“No. Let me get this out. Thank you for believing me. For listening and letting me call the shots, not just with us, but with everything else.” Her hand reaches for mine and we intertwine our fingers, her impossibly small hand fitting into my larger one perfectly. “Thank you for giving us a safe place to land when our world went a little topsy-turvy. Thank you for … everything. I won’t lie and say I’m not scared, scared of this — of us — of everything else. But you make me feel safe, and I’m hanging on to that.”
She can hang on to me as long as she likes. Hell, if she’d let me, she could slap my ass into chain mail and dub me her knight in shining armor, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’d stand between the world, protecting her and her daughter if given half the chance.
The sound of Maisie’s groan wakes me the next morning. The warm soft weight of her on my chest and the floral scent of her hair in my nose the best alarm.
After putting Audra down to sleep in her Pack ’n Play, Maisie and I watched movies until she fell asleep on my shoulder — the two of us cuddled close on the couch. I didn’t have the heart to wake her — to send her back up to the apartment knowing that she was probably tired from crying and the heavy conversation from the night before.
I must have fallen asleep shortly after her, because I haven’t slept on a couch since I was in college and my lower back is none too happy with the cramped conditions, but I push the discomfort away and focus on the woman in my arms.
