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“Not boo. Sweet,” Jem counters.
Andy rolls her eyes. “You both are nuts. How do you feel about it, Maisie?”
“Um…” I hedge, not sure how to explain it feels like a glitter bomb went off in my guts after the smallest brush of Harlan’s mouth against mine.
“We like Harlan, right? He’s ridiculously sexy in that uniform, and I can’t think of a steadier guy,” she continues.
“I mean, I might be biased since he’s my brother-in-law, but I mostly agree with Andy,” Jem agrees.
“I don’t know him as well as they do, I didn’t grow up here, but I haven’t had any problems with him,” Giselle offers.
“It’s not that. I like Harlan. He’s… Harlan.” I trail off when I can’t think of a simple way to describe the man taking up more of my gray matter than I’d admit to.
He’s kind. Generous. Steady. Calm.
Harlan’s safe. And I forgot what safe was a long time ago.
“Then what’s up?” Jem says, bouncing her legs lightly to jiggle Audra when she starts to squirm.
“I don’t know what it means. He just kissed me and said goodnight before leaving. Does he want to do it again? Did he hate it? What happens next? Do I make the next move? Should there be a next move?” The questions punch out of me with the gusting force of a windy gale and my shoulders sag.
They’re gonna think I’m crazy, just blurting all of that out.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, take a deep breath lady,” Andy says after my explosion.
I suck in air, dizzy from the twisting mess of emotions that have taken up residence in my body. These women probably think I’m psycho.
“Maisie. I know you haven’t had the best — luck — with partners.” Jem’s lips purse as she speaks, barely repressed anger sparking in her gaze. “But Harlan’s not your ex.”
Andy and Giselle look at me keenly, but I don’t see sympathy in their gazes, more like curiosity, and I take a chance.
“My ex was abusive. That’s what Jem is referring to.”
My chest aches at the thought of more than a few people knowing. The shame of allowing myself to be in that type of situation curdling the muffin in my stomach. But can I really move on from it if I still hide that part of me behind careful smiles and practiced small talk?
“I’m sorry you went through that,” Giselle says, her eyebrows pinched together.
“I hope his dick is rotting off right now,” Andy says with a spark of temper in her gaze.
“Hey! I said the same thing,” Jem says, holding her hand up for a high five.
Andy slaps her palm before they turn back to me.
“Harlan isn’t that guy. He’d never do anything like that — but I’m guessing you already know that,” Jem says before continuing. “As for what it means and how he felt about it, you’ll need to talk to him about it, honey. Then you’ll have your answer for the rest. But if I had to bet, I’d put my money on Harlan.”
She’s not wrong, on any of it. Harlan isn’t that guy. But there’s comfort in her confirming my thoughts when it comes to him and the kiss. I’ve put so much trust in him already, what could it hurt to give a little more trust to have a conversation with him?
“Are you staying in Everette? I know you’re here now, but once you replace your camper, are you staying?” Giselle asks.
The question brings me up short.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
She nods. “That’s fair. But you should probably think about that too before you talk to him — before you both get into whatever you’ve got going, you need to decide whether you’re going to stay. It’s not really fair to either of you to start something up if it has an expiration date — unless of course you both agree on that.”
She’s not wrong, and I haven’t thought more about staying. I’ve been dealing with life as it comes at me one mess at a time for so long it’s second nature at this point. Thoughts of the future don’t go beyond what town or city I’ll stop in next.
“You’re right,” I concede. It wouldn’t be fair for me to bring all this to Harlan without any thought to the future and what it would mean if we both agree to start — whatever this is — up. Which means I need to think. I need to decide. Not just about my future here, but about what I want from Harlan and what I want out of that kiss. What I want out of life and if I’m willing to roll the dice and see where this goes, where the possibility of me staying would go.
