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His face is gravely serious when he speaks. "Before we discuss anything else, I owe you an apology."
My heart jumps to my throat while he takes a deep breath, clearly trying to gather his thoughts. "I was completely out of line the other day. What I said was unfair and hurtful. I brought up something I had no right to, especially in the way that I did. I’m truly sorry for that.”
His words hang in the air, laden with sincerity and regret. I listen, the tightness in my chest easing slightly with his acknowledgment of the pain he caused. It's an awkward apology, yes, but his awkwardness speaks to his genuine nature, making him, and his apology, harder to dismiss.
"Thank you for saying that," I finally say, my voice steady, though my heart is anything but. "It means a lot to hear you acknowledge it. It was a low moment for us both, I think."
Julian nods, looking relieved that I’ve accepted his apology, but still tense, as if bracing for more. "I want to make things right, Natalie. Not just about the other day, but everything that’s been going on. I know I’ve been... a lot, between the building and us. But I want to find a way forward, if you're willing."
The earnestness in his plea makes my next breath catch slightly. For such a large man, he somehow appears so small in this moment.
As I take a deep breath, my eyes firmly meet Julian's. "I accept your apology," I begin, my voice carrying the firmness of my conviction. "Just please don't ever bring that up again. I know the way I chose to leave my ex was dramatic, but you know why I did it. I told you that he cheated on me. Leaving him was a decision I made out of self-respect. I need you to respect it, too.”
It's hard to talk about, to be open with the wounds Julian poured salt in during our argument. But I can see the humility in his stance, his eyes, his words, and that makes me feel safe enough to take the chance.
Julian nods, absorbing the gravity of my words. "Understood. I’m so sorry for bringing it up in the first place," he says sincerely, his expression somber. “You know, I'm actually really proud of you for making that decision.”
A blush spreads over my cheeks, tickling my ears. “You are?”
Julian nods. “I can't imagine how hard that must have been. You've always been tough, but that—” Julian pauses, searching my face. “You're an amazing woman, Nat. Really.”
His words are totally disarming, and I find myself scrambling for any sort of a response. “Thank you,” I finally manage.
Gesturing toward the couch, Julian invites me to sit down. I agree, and we both settle in together, our arms nearly touching from the proximity. I can feel Julian's warmth, his tenderness and sincerity radiating from him like a hearth. The urge to reach out to him is overwhelming, but we have to resolve this fully before I get too wrapped up in him again.
“I need to ask you something,” I say, my gaze falling to my lap. “If you feel that way, why did you bring it up?”
Julian's answering sigh is laced with remorse. “I'm not great at dealing with stress,” he admits slowly, as if carefully choosing his words. “Remember how we talked about things with Jack? It was the same thing then.”
I wait patiently, letting Julian explain in his own time. The fact that he's willing to open up like this speaks volumes of his commitment to me, and I want to honor that.
Julian folds forward beside me, resting his arms on his knees. “It's been that way since I got back. Sometimes I'm just—I don't know— ‘angry’ doesn't seem like the right word. It's really hard to talk about.”
“It's okay. I didn't mean to push you,” I say, finally meeting his gaze. “You don't have to tell me anything you're not ready to share.”
Julian smiles weakly. “I do want to tell you one thing, because I think you deserve to know,” he continues. “Once on deployment, there was an incident where… Well, things didn't go as planned. I got injured, here.” Julian touches his right knee, and my heart pangs at the thought of him in that situation, in pain. “It's okay now, it healed just fine. But the whole operation went bad, and someone I had really trusted went down for it.”
Julian shakes his head, as if trying to wipe away the memory. “Being over there is like nothing else, Nat. It changes you. I've got all these pieces inside of me that don't work right, and that's something that I'm probably going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.”
His confession is heartbreaking, but in a way, comforting. I know I'll never fully understand Julian's experience, but hearing this helps me to put things into perspective. It gives me hope that, as long as we continue to communicate, this relationship just might work.
“I'm so sorry you went through that,” I offer quietly. “Thank you for sharing that with me, and helping me understand.”
Julian's whole body releases, relief washing over both of us. “Thanks, Nat.”
Tentatively, Julian reaches out and takes my hand. And I don't pull away. His grip is gentle, reassuring, and I allow myself this moment of connection.
Just then, Aria bursts into the room, grinning from ear to ear. "It's cookie time!" she announces proudly, placing a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the coffee table with a flourish.
Aria’s excitement is irresistible, and I can't help but smile. "Thank you, Aria. They look delicious."
Aria beams at the compliment and then looks up at Julian. "Daddy, can Natalie stay?" she asks, her eyes wide with hope.
“That's alright with me," Julian responds warmly, glancing at me for confirmation. “Would you like to stay for a while, Nat?”
The question is simple, but poignant. Somehow, it doesn't feel like we're just talking about today.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest, and I hold Julian's gaze as I answer, "I would love to stay."
