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I lean against the wall when my legs lose strength and watch him continue to place his things inside the suitcase, one by one.
I thought we had a few more weeks. I knew Mother Time would come calling, but I didn’t think it would be so soon.
I stand there in silence. I’m staring at this boy who became a man before my eyes over the years. A man who somehow stole my heart this summer when I wasn’t looking. The one who awakened pieces of that organ in my chest that I hadn’t even known existed. And he did so without my permission. He sucks the oxygen out of every room he enters, but now, I can’t breathe when he’s not around.
I feel the fear welling up inside my chest. This was supposed to be fun. A summer fling with my longtime crush. The boy who always had the starring role in my fantasies. The one who was just out of my reach. I wanted to scratch an itch. See if the reality lived up to the dream. I didn’t think; I just acted. Our attraction was like the fireworks we watched on the Fourth of July. Explosive and bigger than both of us. But when I wasn’t looking, I held that firecracker in my palm for a second too long, and now, it’s blown up, burning my skin along with it.
All my defense mechanisms snap firmly back into place when Ollie closes his luggage. He turns to me. I straighten against the wall, finding strength from somewhere hidden.
Ollie limps toward me, pulling my attention back to the large brace on his knee. He pulls me into his arms. My spine is stiff. I can’t afford to melt into his hold this time. He holds me anyway.
“I know all of this happened suddenly …” His breath ruffles the strands of my hair as he speaks against the side of my head. He smells so good, like soap and spice. He’s so familiar yet so foreign right now. “And, Madison …”
Madison. My full name.
My muscles tense even further as I anticipate what’s about to happen. Words he hasn’t even said run through my mind.
It’s been fun, but I’m moving on now. Hockey is my priority. We both knew this time was coming. I don’t have time for a relationship. I don’t want a relationship. Or maybe … I don’t want one with you. We’ll go back to being friends …
He hasn’t spoken yet, but I feel each word like a knife to my chest, spilling my blood until I’m choking on it. The ache in my chest deepens. I can’t breathe again. It hurts too much.
“It’s okay, Ollie,” I say, pulling away from his chest.
I’m not sure where I find the strength to make my voice steady. It’s all a lie. But I can’t stand to hear him say the words, so I’ll say them for him. I take a step to the side, creating much-needed distance between us. I can’t look him in the eye, so I focus on his chin instead.
“This summer was fun, but now … it’s over. You’re going to Chicago … and I’m … I’m staying here.” I force a smile, feigning nonchalance. Like I’m not literally dying inside right now.
I start gathering a few of my things. “Henley asked me to go out with her tonight. She needs a girls’ night out.”
I grab the first shirt and shorts I find and my sandals. I walk into the other room.
Ollie follows and stops in the doorway to the bedroom. There’s a frown on his face.
“Wait … will you be home later?” he asks.
I’ve taken him off guard.
Welcome to the club.
“Probably.” I shrug noncommittally, knowing it’s a lie. I keep moving across the living room and pause with the front door open. I finally meet his gaze from across the room. Another piece of me vanishes as I look at him while trying to memorize the angle of his jaw and the exact color of his eyes.
I didn’t realize those few stolen moments in the pool were going to be the last time he looked at me with desire. I didn’t know that would be the last time we hung out, the last time we touched.
“I’ll see you later.” I’m surprised that my words continue to come out so strong and level. It’s the exact opposite of how I’m feeling right now.
And I know I won’t see him later. This is goodbye.
The click of the door shutting behind me sounds so final. I lean against it for a moment and just focus on inhaling and exhaling. And then I text Henley, asking her to pick me up again.
Twenty minutes later, I’m climbing into her car down the street and driving away from the most amazing summer I’ve ever had.
I’m driving away from Ollie Burnham.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
OLLIE
The sound of the front door closing behind Madison echoes inside my head the same way it has for the past week and a half that I’ve been in the Windy City. It was so final as her back disappeared outside of the apartment. It’s haunted me ever since.
