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“She reached out to you?” That surprised her, though it shouldn’t. Her mother was good at charity work because she was a fixer by nature.
“She did. Told me all about Finn’s involvement.”
That’s not the half of it. But it wasn’t time for that discussion. She bit her lip, and Gerard’s eyes dipped, his hand tightening on hers. If she could still affect him like this, maybe there was a chance for them.
“I owe you just as big an apology,” Rowan said. “My mother’s maiden name is McCarthy. Before I graduated from university, I legally changed my name.”
“Why?”
She straightened. “I wanted to make my own name in the financial world, not be a protégé of a process I didn’t believe in.”
He nodded, loosening his hold and running his thumb over her hand.
“I should have told you.”
“Yes.”
“But not when you first hired me. Later, once I’d had some time to show you what I could accomplish.”
Gerard shook his head. “You should have told me right away.”
“You never would have given me a chance.”
“I would have.”
Rowan pulled her hand from his and sat back, disbelief pulling her face taut.
Gerard scrubbed his face. “All right, maybe not.”
“You think?”
He stood up and paced a few steps away. “We both made mistakes, didn’t we.”
“We did.” Rowan tucked her hands under her legs. The moment had come. The next few minutes would decide whether there was a chance for them or not.
“I’m not good at relationships.”
She opened her mouth to refute that. He couldn’t see her because he was still turned away, gazing out at the view. But he held up a hand to still her words. “I’d like to finish.”
“All right.”
“As I said, I’m not good at relationships. Though, even as I say that, I have to acknowledge that I can’t know that for certain. I have a decent, if vexing relationship with my parents. And my relationship with Emersyn isn’t as close as it could be.” He turned so she could see him. “I’ve never been in love. Never had time for it. I didn’t understand my feelings, and I panicked. I took the easy way out. The wrong way.” He scrubbed his face. “With you, I find myself in uncharted territory.”
She stood, intent on going to him, setting the man straight, until his hand came up again.
“If you get near me, I won’t be able to say this.”
Chewing her lower lip to keep the words in, she nodded. It had better be her turn soon, or she was going to burst.
Gerard shoved his hands deep in his pockets. “I have always been driven by a need to succeed. Business is in my genes, but also my bones, my brain, my heart.” A poignant smile touched his face. “You’re not the only one who graduated top of their class with two degrees.”
She smiled. She hadn’t known that.
“Now I’m torn between that and the side of me that wants to carry you off to that bed inside and keep you there for all eternity. And I don’t know how to marry the two. I have absolutely no idea what to do.”
Unsure if he said the last sentence to her or to himself, she waited. They stood there, feet from each other, yet it felt like a wide chasm. He looked miserable, like a man whose whole world had been torn apart.
Unable to wait one more moment, she leaped forward and into his surprised arms, hugging him tight. Gerard hugged her back just as tight, resting his head on hers. She could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, just like hers.
