Page 98 of If You Want Me


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I don’t want to force her into a conversation she’s not ready for. But I also want to own my mistakes.

Hollis

I know you need some time, but please don’t shut me out. Even if I can’t fix it now, I don’t want to get on that plane without seeing you before I go.

I wait a few minutes, but I don’t get a response. I change and get ready for bed, pack my bag for tomorrow and pick out my suit, then clean up the rest of dinner and put the cheesecakes in the fridge. Aurora hasn’t messaged by the time I’m ready for bed, so I take it as a sign that she’s still processing.

I sleep like garbage, tossing and turning. Postie keeps trying to reposition near me. At five thirty in the morning, my phone buzzes on my nightstand. My anxiety spikes when I see a text from Aurora.

Princess

Message when you’re awake.

Hollis

I’m awake now. Can I come down?

The humping dots appear and disappear twice.

Princess

Yes.

Hollis

I’ll be down in five.

I roll out of bed, give my teeth a quick brush, and pull on a pair of joggers and a hoodie. I grab the extra key fob and wish I’d done something smart last night, like buy Aurora flowers. But that’s only occurring to me now.

My stomach is in knots as I knock. A few seconds later, the door opens. Aurora looks the opposite of happy to see me, but her red-rimmed, puffy eyes are the biggest gut punch. I want to reach out and pull her against me, but she steps back and crosses her arms, communicating that contact isn’t welcome.

Everything feels too tight. “Thank you for agreeing to see me.”

“You needed to give me your key, anyway.” Her eyes stay focused on my chin.

We both know I could have left it at Roman’s. “I should have told you I saw Scarlet. My split with her wasn’t amicable. It wasn’t just because I ended up here and she was in LA. I wanted to make the distance work, but she didn’t feel supported because I didn’t want our relationship to be public fodder, so she ended things.” There’s more, but that conversation needs to wait.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Aurora’s voice is low and raspy.

I shake my head. “No. Not romantic ones. I saw her because she’s in my city for a few months, and I needed to try to clear the air between us.”

“But she still has feelings for you,” Aurora says softly.

“She has memories of what we were, but there are a lot of years between then and now. I’m not the same person.” I’m definitely more cautious with my heart, maybe too cautious. “And I’m pretty hung up on you. When I get back, if you still have questions, whatever you want to know about my relationship with Scarlet, I’ll tell you—if I haven’t fucked this up beyond repair.”

“You haven’t fucked it up beyond repair.” Her chin trembles as she lifts her head. “It’s just a lot for me to manage. You have history with her. She’s accomplished and polished, and she’s had you in ways I haven’t, and I hate it. Especially because it would be so much easier for you to be with her than it is for you to be with me.”

“But she’s not who I want, Aurora. You are.” I wish I could tell her how deep those feelings are. How she’s all I have been able to think about for months. That I’ve risked more of myself for her than anyone since Scarlet.

I’ve confided in Aurora so much since my accident last year, but never about Scarlet. And that needs to change. “Can we talk when I get back?”

She nods.

“Can I hug you?” The need to comfort her is a physical compulsion.

“Please.” Her voice cracks.

I open my arms, and she steps forward. Her hands slide around my waist, and mine curve around her shoulders, one hand cupping the back of her head as she rests her cheek on my chest.

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