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I can’t read his expression, but he looks almost…disappointed that I would ask that.
“No.”
I hate the wash of relief and how desperate I am for there to be a good reason why he kept this from me. “Why should I believe you?”
“Because you’re here and she’s not.”
It’s a simple answer. Direct. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did I have to hear about it from my dad?” I should be more upset about almost getting caught, but this is a twist I didn’t see coming.
His eyes soften, and so does his voice. “Because I didn’t want to upset you.”
Because he didn’t think I could handle it. And maybe he’s right, but we’ll never know for sure. “When did you see her?”
“After I said you should go on a date with that James kid.”
My mouth drops, and I swear I’m at risk of throwing up my meal. I don’t even bother to correct him on the name. “Why would you send me on a date and then go see your ex? What were you trying to accomplish?”
He steps forward.
I hold out a hand. “Do not touch me right now.”
His expression is pained. “I was trying to do the right thing and not fuck up my life and yours. I didn’t want to see her—not the way she wanted to see me. But I had all these feelings for you that I couldn’t get a handle on. And then she started showing up at games. I needed closure. She broke my fucking heart when I moved out here. I have no desire to go down that road again. It was a long time ago, but I needed to deal with it. The only way I could do that was to have a conversation. Nothing happened, Aurora. We just talked. That’s it. I haven’t seen her since.”
I wrap my arms around myself, like it will keep me from falling apart. “Have you talked to her since?”
“She messaged after the last accident to see how I was doing, but that’s it. There’s nothing going on. I promise.”
I believe he’s telling the truth, but it still stings. It makes me feel out of my depth all over again. “I don’t want to be some convenient distraction to help you get over whatever happened with her.” I realize, though, that whatever did happen must have really hurt him. And maybe that’s part of the reason for his hesitation with us. But it doesn’t make it okay that he kept this from me.
“You’re a lot of things, Aurora, but you’re not a distraction from someone else. What can I do to fix this? Tell me what I need to do.” He looks so uncertain. Vulnerable.
“This hurts.” I rub my temple. “I need time to process. Alone.” But how the hell will I get to my apartment without running into my dad? What a mess of a night.
“I can go over to Roman’s. Give you some time on your own. Then we can talk?”
“I’d like to process in my own space. I’ll text you when I’m ready to have a conversation.”
“Okay. I understand.” He nods, crosses and uncrosses his arms. “I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you again.”
“Are you sure you weren’t trying to protect yourself instead?” I wait for him to take the opportunity to open up, to share what made that breakup so painful, but all he does is sigh.
“Maybe. I’ll go check in with Roman so you can have time.”
He walks away, leaving me wondering how the most amazing date turned into the worst one, and all because of his ex.
CHAPTER 26
HOLLIS
Ishould be shitting my pants that I almost got caught on a date with Roman’s daughter. And part of me is. I feel like a giant bag of garbage. I’m deceiving him every day. But the bigger, more telling part of me is worried about how Aurora is handling this. Because on top of the stress I’m putting on her relationship with her dad, I withheld information.
For a while now I’ve been living in the land of denial, believing I could lock down these feelings. Telling her I’d seen Scarlet, and assuring her that the feelings I once had are long gone, would have meant admitting I want something more with Aurora. I hadn’t been ready to do that, and now I’ve upset her. Again.
Hurting her feels like stabbing myself. When she’s in pain, I itch with the need to fix everything for her. Seeing her smile, being part of what makes her happy, holding her close? Those are the things I want to spend my days and nights doing.
I leave my phone at my place and go over to Roman’s. When he asks what happened to my date, I tell him she has to work early, and he’s so preoccupied with his news, he doesn’t question it. I end up staying for an hour and a half while he explains his post-retirement options. I try to remain engaged. Try to be a good friend and share his excitement, but my stomach is churning. Aurora’s words keep rolling around in my head. Who was I really protecting? Her or me?
It’s late by the time I finally leave. Postie and Malone meet me at the door and follow me into the kitchen, meowing insistently. I ignore them and check my phone, stomach sinking at the lack of message from Aurora.
