Page 89 of If You Want Me


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“I still can’t believe you haven’t touched it. Like…” She makes the mind-blown gesture.

The apartment door opens three inches, startling the shit out of us, but the safety is engaged. “Want to let me in, Pegs?”

I hop off the couch and push the door closed, flipping the latch before I open it again. “You know knocking is a thing, right, Dado?” Then I see Hollis, standing behind my dad with his phone in his hand. Spending time with the two of them is hard these days. Part of me just wants to get it over with and tell him, but the other, bigger part is so scared of how hurt he’ll be. Mad and disappointed too, probably. How much it could change things.

“Sorry. Yeah. I keep forgetting. We got some good news, and Hollis and I were heading to the Watering Hole for dinner to celebrate. Maybe you want to join us?” Dad is all smiles.

“What kind of good news?” I pretend like Hollis didn’t send me a text message five minutes ago. Which means he told me before my dad. My heart gets all mushy and my nether parts all zingy while my bucket of shame over all the broken rules and lies we’re telling him gets a little heavier.

“Hollis is cleared to travel with the team. He’s not back on the ice yet, but this is a step in the right direction.” He claps Hollis on the shoulder.

“That’s amazing!”

“Isn’t it? It’ll be nice to have my roommate back.” Dad grins at Hollis.

He nods. “It’ll be good to get back to a normal routine. Or as normal as it can be, for now.”

“So, what do you say? Coming for celebratory nachos?”

“Yeah. Of course.” I haven’t been with my dad and Hollis together for any length of time since the fingerbang and him holding me to sleep. Which, oh my God, was literally my favorite way to fall asleep in the history of my almost twenty-one years. But I have no idea how to manage this situation now that his fingers have been inside me.

“What about you, Rix? Want to join us?” Dad asks.

“Uh…” She glances from my dad to me.

“Yes, please. Join us.” If ever I could use some freaking backup, it’s now.

“Cool. I’ll change into something that isn’t this.” Rix motions to her ratty sweats and old tank top that clearly belong to Tristan, based on the size.

I look down at myself. I’m braless and wearing jogging pants and an old shirt. Thankfully not Hollis’s. I sleep in that. “I’ll do the same. Do you want us to meet you there, or…” I let it hang.

Hollis checks his watch. “We’ll grab a table.”

“Cool. Yeah.” I give them the thumbs-up. “We’ll be right behind you.”

“Great. Don’t take too long, though,” Dad says.

“See you soon,” Hollis adds with a tight smile.

Once they’re gone, I flip the lock and the latch and turn to Rix, who is still standing in the kitchen. “Oh, girl.” She shakes her head.

“Is it obvious? Am I being obvious?”

“You’re being a little weird, but to be honest, you’ve been a little weird for the past few months, so your dad will probably chalk it up to working for the team so hard and school stress?” It comes out more of a question than a straight answer.

I run my hands through my hair. “How the hell did you do this with Tristan for two freaking months while living in the same damn space as your brother?”

Rix gives me an empathetic smile. “It wasn’t ever easy. We were hate-fucking each other for weeks before that hate had turned into not-hate. You two are kind of already in love and have been fighting off the feelings.”

“He’s not in love with me,” I say. I don’t deny that I probably am though.

She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, then crosses the room and takes me by the shoulders. “Do you need to believe that to make this easier to handle?”

I purse my lips. “I don’t know.”

“I see the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. We’ll have four days to dissect all of this while they’re away.”

“Thank you for being such a good friend.” I pull her in for a hug.

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