AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His jaw tightened. “I’m not going to be a part-time father, Phoebe.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said, trying to explain away the look of hurt on his face. “I meant…what I meant was…shit.” He hadn’t thought about it…not like I had. He’d be gone a lot and he’d have to leave me alone.
As the realization took form on his face, his features hardened. “Marry me.”
I held up my left hand that housed the enormous diamond on my ring finger. “I am.”
His stare encompassed his entire body, and refused to be ignored. “That’s not what I mean and you know it. The baby will be here soon. You said it yourself. We’re already engaged so what’s stopping us? Let’s do it, Phoebe. Stop rationalizing everything. Take a leap of faith and let’s bring our baby home to a real family. Marry me…today.”
“Julian, no…” Suddenly, we’d begun a battle of wills that neither of us planned to lose.
“It’s not a hard concept. Either you want to marry me or you don’t. You’re making me think you don’t have any intention of actually doing it.”
He’d chosen his words carefully. Scare tactics were a last defense strategy. “That was a low blow, Julian.”
His indignation faded as he scrubbed his face with his palms. “Phoebe, god, I don’t want to fight with you, but you’ve got to see this from my point of view. All I’m asking for is what you said you’d do the minute I put that ring on your finger.” He narrowed his eyes. “Do you really want to be my wife or are you just pacifying me?”
I held a finger up to his face. “Don’t do this to me.”
“Then don’t do this to me! If you love me like you say you do, stop being so damn stubborn and be impulsive for once. Are you going to let whatever is scaring you dictate what you do with the rest of your life?”
“Doesn’t it scare you at all, Julian? Even a little?”
His voice softened. “Of course it scares me. It scares the hell out of me. The only other time I’ve been more scared was finding you on the floor of your apartment after Tanna attacked you. That’s how I know.”
“How you know what?” I stared up at him. He seemed almost peaceful, like he’d had this grand epiphany in the middle of our argument.
“I know the worst has already happened, but you came back to me.” His voice choked. “You make me whole, Phoebe. I’m alive when I’m with you and I’m dead when you’re gone. So, yeah…I know.” As the minutes passed, he swore to himself. Reaching to the floor, he pulled on his boxers, stood up, and began walking toward the bathroom. Stopping at the door, he turned to face me, his emotions stripped bare. “I love you enough to take that leap. I wish you did.”
He closed the door behind him and turned on the shower. Crawling to the edge of the bed, I sighed and closed my eyes. It felt like my body had been through internal warfare. After thoroughly loving each other, we’d taken the honesty away and closed off emotionally yet again. It seemed to be a recurring habit that was beginning to break us down.
I’d had enough of being broken to last me a lifetime.
The lock gave a distinctive click as the door opened, and a blast of humid air hit me in the face. Walking to the shower, I boldly opened the door and stared at him. Lifting his head from the stream of water, he rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, trying to see through the droplets. When his face registered my form, he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“I do love you, Julian, and you’re right, I’m scared. But I’m not scared of you. I’m scared of me. I’m scared I’m not going to be enough for you, that it’ll become routine and too normal for the life of a rock star. You’re twenty-six. You have your whole life ahead of you. I’m scared you’ll wake up one morning and realize you made a huge mistake. That would destroy me.”
“Phoebe, that wouldn’t…”
“Julian, don’t promise me it won’t happen. You don’t know that. Sometimes happily ever after isn’t forever. I should know, I’ve lived it my whole life.”
He closed his fingers around mine and pulled me into the shower with him. With the water drenching me, clothes and all, he brought both hands up and cradled my face. “Okay, I won’t promise you that. I’ll promise you this: I’ll never not love you, and I’ll never not need you.”
Water splashed around us as my voice broke through the strained silence. “Yes.”
His jaw slackened, and his eyebrows shifted upward. “What?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Phoebe,” he pleaded. “What are you saying?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“Today?”
“Today.”
And just like that, my mom fixed everything.
