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What Storm had done … how could I accept that as love? It couldn’t be love. It just couldn’t. Love was stronger than crazy. And what he had done was ten notches past crazy. I’d have never wanted to do those things to him. If he had wanted me, all he would have had to do was turn on the charm. Heck, the man had had me wet and panting more than once when he was still treating me like an asshole.
I picked up the bacon and stared at it. My stomach was in so many knots that I knew I couldn’t eat it. The last time I’d had bacon, Storm had made it for me. I winced and dropped it back onto the plate. Reaching for the fork, I jabbed at the berries. I needed to get something down. I didn’t want to upset Maeme.
• Twenty-Five •
“Reckon none of that makes you see red, feel a little unhinged.”
Briar
I couldn’t stay in the bedroom forever. Making myself get out of bed this morning, I took a shower and put on the clothing Maeme had brought me yesterday. She’d asked me if I wanted to send for our things at Storm’s, and I had just nodded since my throat constricted painfully when I tried to speak. That was one more step closer to my leaving.
The hollowness in my chest was a part of the sorrow that now plagued me. I wondered if Pepper was right. Would it be better once I was gone? I didn’t see how that was the case.
I walked into the kitchen to see Dovie sitting at the bar with a glass of milk, eating pancakes. She lifted her gaze to mine and gave me a sad smile.
“Morning,” I managed to croak out, wanting to burst into a fresh batch of tears at the sight of her. I walked over to the cabinet to get a glass, then turned back to her. “Is Maeme here?”
She nodded, then put her fork down and signed, “I think she went to the bathroom.”
Picking up the pitcher of orange juice, I poured some into the glass, then took a sip. Dovie continued eating but was watching me. I knew she had questions, and I wished I had solid answers. At least ones I could verbalize. Thinking about going to Miami was one thing. Saying it out loud was another.
“I’m sorry I’ve been locked away.”
She put her fork down. “I understood.”
Did she though? She was only fifteen. Would she get why I had to leave? Why staying here was toxic? That Storm not truly loving me would eventually demolish it all? This happiness we had found. This sense of … home. Choosing to stay with him would be selfish. Because it wouldn’t just be me who got hurt in the end. Dovie would have been even more settled into her life here. This thing he felt for me would fade. Perhaps abruptly end one day. He’d get bored or find another woman he wanted more.
I set the glass down, trying not to think about him and another woman. The one who he would fall in love with. The one he couldn’t lie to. He couldn’t manipulate and hurt. I hated her. I despised her.
“Good morning,” Maeme called out.
I turned to see her smiling at me with concern in her expression. She was measuring up where I was emotionally at the moment. I wanted to tell her I was currently torturing myself with thoughts of a woman I hoped I never laid eyes on. I didn’t care how far in the future that might be; I couldn’t imagine not wanting to claw out her eyeballs.
“You made it out of the room. That’s a positive. Good for you,” she said, sounding hopeful. “I was going to see if Dovie wanted to get out of the house and take a ride with me to grab a few things at the store.”
I glanced at Dovie, and she took one last bite, then stood up and nodded her head at Maeme. She’d gotten accustomed to not being inside all the time. I was sure she was aching to go somewhere. Even if it was just to the grocery store.
“Is there anything that sounds good to you? Something you might eat?” Maeme asked me.
I shook my head. “No. Nothing does.”
She pressed her lips together, but she didn’t push or lecture me. “All right then. Dovie and I will be back shortly. Might do you some good to go enjoy the back porch and get a little vitamin D and fresh air.”
I wanted to run back to the bedroom and curl up into a ball. “I’ll do that.”
“Good,” Maeme said as Dovie rinsed her plate and put it in the dishwasher.
I took another drink of juice as Maeme went to get her purse. Then, she and Dovie said goodbye and left me there.
