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I put my view on him. “She is the original?”
“I believe so.”
“Then how do you know Amber isn’t the original?”
“Because Amber only remembers what that man did to us. That is it. She was the one in the bed when he. . .” M cleared his throat. “That is her life. Those are all her memories. That evil man. She knows nothing else. Not Max, Daryl, or Xavier. Not our mother or father. I believe that the original stored all the pain and. . .sexual abuse inside of Amber’s heart.”
My stomach twisted. I felt close to throwing up. “But the little girl knows people too. Are we sure she is the second? Maybe she is the original.”
“The little girl has many memories of our family. The only problem is, she came after Amber. Remember. Amber saw her be born. The little girl saw Amber already standing there.”
“Then, Lunita came?”
“Correct.” M folded his arms over his chest. “Lunita’s memories deal with abuse. She took a lot of our beatings. She talks of switches, extension cords, and slippers. Back hands, punches, and even being kicked in the stomach by our mother a few times.”
Raw pain filled my chest. “Goddamn it.”
“Lunita is fight because she killed our mom. She killed. . .him. She killed. . .many.” M stirred. “She is the rage in us. The brutal violence. I say this because I know that you are angry with Lunita’s past actions. I was too when I discovered her murder of Olga. I rather enjoyed talking to Olga at night. Her knowledge of African proverbs were—”
“You talked to Olga?” I trembled.
“Yes. You were stressed and left the doorway open. I didn’t want Lunita to go through so I took over a few times in between your feedings of Emilio, trying to get you back to bed, but. . .then Olga would smile, and we would talk.”
I thought about how Kaz told me that Lunita hated Olga because she could tell us apart. Now I knew why. My damned personalities were interacting with her. She must have thought I was beyond crazy.
M placed his hands in his pockets. “Lunita is a pain in the ass, but she is not bad. Forgive her because she does not understand.”
“She has taken my body over and caused chaos—”
“And now we can figure out a way to stop her from doing that.”
“I don’t want to figure out a way, I want to heal us completely. I want to make us one.”
He leaned his head to the side. “And what will we be, when we are one?”
I widened my eyes.
“Will we be the same or someone else? Is it even possible?”
“I don’t know.”
“You must know, before you do it.”
A cold shiver ran through me.
“Until then, you must regulate your stress. Lunita comes because you call. Stop ignoring yourself and ask for help. Go to the Lion or even Blue. Tell them what you need. Take a break. Hug the boys. Meditate. Eat healthy. Get all of your sleep.”
“And that would keep her out?”
“I believe so. Anyway, let’s return to the bigger mystery.” M went over to yet another chalkboard. At least this one was mostly empty. There, he began writing on the chalkboard in that made up language of his. “As you can see, I’m explaining. . .”
I squinted at the board, trying to make sense of it. “I can’t read any of that.”
“We must find her. The original.” M kept on writing. “I have searched our mind, but she is not there. Perhaps, she is in other parts of the body.”
“Other parts? I don’t understand.”
“We store our trauma in other places. Could she have gone there?”
