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“How could I be that?”
“When the Lion came, you did not run, hide, freeze, or pass out. You made him your friend, then your lover, and now. . .”
I shivered.
“We have been safe because of you.” M gave me a half-bow. “Thank you because throughout our life, you have befriended even the most dangerous people. The Butcher is another example.”
I parted my lips.
“It’s how we survived. It is why you are the Boss. The one we keep in control.”
I hugged myself tighter.
“Fawn is about appeasement. Fawn is keeping the peace at any cost.”
A wave of dizziness washed over me.
“Therefore, I would say that there is a strong argument that you are the Host. No one can do what you can do, so we sit back and watch the TV as Lunita would say it.” He tilted his head to the side. “Does this make you feel better?”
“I just. . .want to be one person.”
“May you find peace in the fact that we all just wanted to be one person.”
“That doesn’t give me peace. It just makes me sad and horrified.” I let go of myself and held out my hands. “If I’m not the original, then I’m not—”
“You are what we are—”
“I have sons. Are those mine or—”
“They are our sons.”
“No.” I shook my head over and over. “Those are my sons, and Kaz is mine, and Max is mine and—”
“Calm down.” M held his hand up. “Breathe. Please.”
I fisted my hands in took in a long breath.
“I am giving you pieces of the puzzle.”
“But. . .can we heal?”
M shrugged. “Perhaps.”
“What the fuck?”
“I didn’t think you could come in here and talk to me, but here you are.”
“Delphine did it.”
“Or she gave you something that made you finally walk into the dark places of your subconscious, the places you have been avoiding.”
My eyes watered.
“You have the puzzle pieces. I gave them to you, so that you can help us.” M went over to the white board and pointed. “So that maybe. . .you, we, can find her.”
I looked at that sentence. They were the only words in the room that made any sense.
Where is she?
