Page 250 of Dirty Pleasures


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The possibility that there was a reason I was here, inside her mind, couldn’t be ignored.

What if this was a rare opportunity to mend something broken, to understand and heal aspects of Emily that were otherwise locked away from me, from even her alters?

Was there damage done that I could undo, secrets I could unearth that would fortify her psyche in the real world?

What-ifs and maybes gnawed at me.

Staying could mean getting stuck—or worse, causing further damage to her.

But leaving so fast. . .what if leaving meant missing the chance to fix something crucial, something vital?

Think. You must think. What is the right thing to do?

Sighing, I considered all of this some more.

If I stayed, delved deeper into this obscure world, I risked becoming an unwelcome intruder in her inner sanctum.

But if I left without helping my mouse, would I ever forgive myself for the missed opportunity to understand her better, to heal her?

Never. I would hate myself for being a coward.

Pavel watched me. “No. No. I do not like that look on your face, Kazimir.”

The little girl widened her eyes, probably not sure of what Pavel was thinking.

“Kazimir.” Pavel pointed at me. “Listen, cousin. There is no other option for us, but to leave. You are not Alice. This is not Wonderland. We will not be going on an adventure. I think that you must wake yourself up somehow.”

I studied the little girl some more, and something profound stirred within me.

She was a mirror to the past, a haunting reflection of what Emily must have looked like at her age—wide-eyed, clutching her stuffed lion as if it were her only anchor in a tumultuous sea.

The sight of her sparked so much warmth in my heart.

Pavel shook his head. “Kazimir, stop looking at her. Put your view on me.”

Soon Emily would have my daughter. I could sense her arrival deep within my soul.

She would like the little girl.

I smiled.

Pavel groaned in annoyance.

But then, sorrow crept in.

Dark sorrow.

This little girl—an alter formed probably from the purest parts of Emily—was confined to a surreal world of shattered trauma.

The little girl’s eyes met mine, and in them, I saw a depth that was upsetting. They were pools of knowing, of understanding far beyond her years, and it pained me to think that she experienced a legacy of pain.

I swallowed. “I cannot leave you so soon.”

She widened her eyes. “But. . .”

“Do you want me to go?”

She shook her head no.

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