Page 142 of Dirty Pleasures


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I looked at the painting, the figures representing parts of my psyche.

Baba pointed to my image on the canvas. “Do not look at this as your being bad or shattered—”

“But, I am—”

“You are the Mouse, the one who has truly navigated through life’s mazes. But now, you are not alone.”

I gritted my teeth. “That is an understatement.”

“You have Lunita, the little girl, M, and Amber.”

Shocked, I turned to her. “How long have you known their names?”

“The day you had Emilio, their names came to me.”

“Why that day?”

“I do not know.” Fear filled her eyes. “Sometimes. . .I am just as confused with all of this as you are.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Do you think you could have handled it then?”

“Yes.”

“I disagree.”

I directed my view to Kaz. “He knows.”

Baba’s eyes watered. “And he still loves and accepts you.”

“But. . .what do you see for us in the future?”

“What do you mean, Emily?”

“Will he always accept this? Will there ever be a time when he. . .sees me differently?”

The questions tumbled out, my deepest fears laid bare in the quiet room.

Baba reached out, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Kazimir has faced his own demons, Emily. He’s not a man to shy away from challenges, especially when it comes to the woman he loves.”

“Sure. . .if I was a normal woman. . .but I’m not. . .tonight I wondered. . .”

“What?”

“Do I deserve him?”

“Love is not about deserving but about accepting and being accepted in all your chaos and complexities.”

My guts twisted into knots, unsure if I should really believe Baba or not.

“Kazimir loves you not for the clarity of your mind, but for the depth of your heart.”

I pursed my lips together.

Baba tilted her head to the side. “Do you truly understand that?”

Before I could answer, Kaz’s deep voice sounded from the couch. “Do you. . .truly understand, mysh?”

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