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I planned on taking him up on that offer once I gathered up enough courage to face him on Monday. I twisted my copper ring. My heart sped up as I mulled over the various scenarios—sitting alone in his office to discuss my transfer, calling him on the phone, an email, or maybe I could somehow get Lucy to ask him to transfer me.
I shook my head.
God no. She’s part of the whole freaking arrangement.
It was in that moment when I realized that everyone sat in silence. Vivian drank her sludge and studied the carpet as if she’d never seen it before. Troy continued to watch the television.
“You both going on a run?” Troy said, finally disrupting the quiet.
“No.” I lay back down on the couch.
“Yes.” Vivian finished her crappy drink.
“I’m going to take a shower and go play some ball down at the college courts.” Troy headed to the kitchen.
I noticed Vivian checking out my brother’s behind as he left.
“Eww.” I lowered my lips into a frown.
She blushed. “Just be ready to run with me in ten minutes.”
I dragged the blanket over my head and hoped that would make her leave me alone.
“Drink your protein shake, too! Jasmine, I took your advice and added some basil to it.”
“I doubt basil will help,” I barked back. “And if I remember correctly I said the only thing that could help your protein shake was pouring it down the drain.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I said your spaghetti needed basil.”
“Well regardless, drink and get dressed.”
I whined, “But, I don’t want to.”
“Come on, Jasmine. You know how you get when you don’t work out.”
I exhaled.
Last night’s panic attack flashed into my head. I’d battled with depression and anxiety since I was young. Benny took me to lots of doctors.
None of them worked.
They too quickly prescribed drugs that weighed me down and kept my mind foggy. My last high school counselor was the one who’d helped me gain control of my attacks. She’d studied alternative medicine and ordered me to focus on eating nutritious meals, exercising daily, surrounding myself with positive things, and even simpler ideas like making sure I went outside and got at least three hours of Vitamin D from the sun.
I’d been skeptical, but all of it helped.
And each day without the shackles of anxiety was a blessed day of salvation.
Once I entered college I started meditating and trying to keep my mind in the here and now as much as possible, instead of entertaining sad thoughts of my past or worrying about my future.
Any slip off my regimen shoved me right back into a depressing world where a dark cloud hovered over me and threatened to swallow me whole. Sleepless nights, unending tears, and the constant feeling of danger lurking around the corner would return. And with all that I had to deal with this upcoming week, the least I could do was take control of my emotions.
Vivian yelled like some hardcore boot camp sergeant. “Are you drinking that shake?”
“I hate you,” I grumbled.
