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Less than a minute later, Evan replied back.
DICK: I’m really not that busy … but if what you’re going to ask me has anything to do with helping you move something, the answer is HELL FUCKING NO.
DAVID: It doesn’t.
DICK: Okay. Feel free to ask me whatever it is, then.
DAVID: What do you do when you make a woman mad? I need a few pointers, and I figure you’ve probably had plenty of experience with mad women.
DICK: That was mean. But … not entirely inaccurate.
DICK: It depends on the woman. If it’s my sister, I let her get over it on her own because it’s usually her fault, anyway. If it’s my mom, I’ll apologize and maybe take her to dinner, depending on how mad she is.
DAVID: What if it’s a woman you’re going out with?
DICK: Then I usually just move on to the next woman. Or man.
DAVID: I’m being serious.
DICK: Me, too.
DICK: So, I take it you’ve made a woman mad? Is it Cat Lady?
DAVID: Yes.
DICK: Well, what did you do whenever you made Ashley mad?
DAVID: I usually had sex with her.
DICK: So have sex with Cat Lady. Problem solved.
DAVID: I don’t think making amends with sex will work with her.
DICK: Why not?
DAVID: Because she’s not wired that way.
DICK: That’s too bad.
DICK: Cat Lady’s a complicated one, isn’t she?
DICK: Great taste in lingerie, though … so, totally worth it.
DAVID: Yes, I know.
DAVID: Now can you help me, or not?
DICK: Why don’t you tell me what you did to make her mad, so I’ll know what I’m dealing with?
DAVID: It’s too much to text. And I’m down to one hand, as it is.
DICK: What?
DICK: Hang on. I’ll have Lars cover me for a minute so I can call you.
A few minutes later, for the fourth time that night, David was relaying the story of what a dumb fuck he’d been during the past ten days, finishing with his coming to Paige’s apartment, getting his hand unintentionally slammed in a door, and sleeping in the guest room.
“Well,” Evan drawled when David was done, “I guess you won’t be jerking off for a while. ”
