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Don’t fool yourselves into thinking you can come out of this as something real.
I tried telling myself something similar at the start of this, didn’t I? It’s why I set boundaries in place, never mind all the times we broke them. We weren’t supposed to last this long, but we did. We weren’t supposed to fall for each other, but we did. We weren’t supposed to become something real, but we did.
We’ve beaten the odds before, so who’s to say we can’t do it again?
Alice heads back inside, but Theo makes no move to do so.
“Are you okay?” he finally asks. I glance up at him, this man I should’ve lost a long time ago, and nod.
“I should be asking you that.” He’s the one who just cut himself off from his brother. As shitty as Ben might be, that still has to hurt. “Are you, Theo? Okay?”
He drags in a deep breath, steadying himself. “I’ll be fine, Marcela.”
It’s true enough, I think. He’s not fine now, but he will be with time. I wrap my arms around him, giving him the comfort I know he needs. His arms come around my back, pulling me into him.
“It was a long time coming,” he goes on. “Something has to change between us before we mend our relationship. If that’s even something either of us wants to do. And right now, it’s the last thing I want.”
“I don’t blame you. Believe me. Our friendship soured when I stopped doing what he wanted. I made plenty of mistakes too, but there’s no going back for me. I understand why you can’t, either. Why you might not ever be able to.”
“As much as I hate him, I can’t close the door completely,” he says. “He’s my brother, but that doesn’t mean I have to subject myself to his crap all the time. Unfortunately, that also means I’ll always care about him. Even if he never changes.”
I want to tell him that that’s okay. He can change his mind at any point, give Ben all the chances he’s willing to give or none at all.
“He’s wrong, you know,” he says. “We’re not delusional. We walked into this with open eyes from the get-go.”
“Not you, though,” I remind him. “I didn’t tell you—”
“You may not have said his name, but you told me there was a guy,” he counters. “You were as honest with me as you were comfortable being. I can’t fault you for that.” He gusts out a sigh that tickles the top of my head. “What are you thinking?”
I tilt my head up to the dusky sky. Instead of answering, I tell him we should help Alice so she’s not stuck here another night. We spend the next two hours boxing up Alice’s entire life with Ben until the walls are bare and the living and dining rooms are nearly empty. Since we came in Theo’s car, we play the most high-stakes game of Tetris of my life filling it with Alice’s remaining belongings.
When we finish unloading everything at Christine’s apartment, Theo hugs Alice goodbye and I count all three seconds it lasts for. They speak quietly for a moment, words I can’t hear from where I’m standing beside the passenger door. They wave as they walk away from each other, a final send-off before Alice steps inside and Theo climbs into the driver’s seat.
On the drive home, Theo takes my hand and asks, “My place or yours?”
I smile at him, at this man I don’t have to part from yet.
Thirty-Three
Apparently, being in a “serious” relationship means taking turns shuffling an overnight bag to each other’s place every week; keeping extra food in the fridge and toiletries in the bathroom; and playing rock paper scissors to decide what to watch on Netflix, where to go out to eat, and whether to spend the weekend in or out of the apartment.
Theo proves to be the more magnanimous of the two of us, never disappointed on the nights I win the final decision. However, the same can’t be said for me after I’m dragged across town to a burger joint that burns our fries and gets both our orders wrong. I stare daggers at him across the table all night until he offers to make it up to me with the takeout of my choice.
“You’re too good to me.” I bump his shoulder with the side of my head in affection as he starts the car. He smiles down at me, and I almost say it. Three little words I’ve been holding inside my chest since the night he asked for more.
“Not possible.” He chuckles to himself. “We probably should’ve looked up reviews before we tried somewhere new.”
“Probably,” I agree, staring out the window as he pulls onto the ramp. “You know, this relationship thing isn’t much different from what we were doing before. Although, we probably spent more time at my apartment than anywhere else.”
“That’s why I always vote to go out more.” He glances at me once he’s merged onto the middle lane. “We were only real behind closed doors, when there was no one around to prove anything to. Now that we get to be real everywhere, I’m making up for lost time.”
His explanation makes my heart melt. “In that case, how can I say no to that?”
My apartment is ice cold when we arrive back. What the hell? Theo and I exchange a look before I rush to the thermostat. It’s stuck on sixty degrees, but it feels even colder. Theo offers to call the front office right when I realize what happened. I turned it off days ago because I knew I’d be at Theo’s apartment.
“No need,” I say as I flip the switch back to auto and turn on the heat. “Old conservation habits die hard.”
“Guess we should warm up in the meantime.” A mischievous glint lights his eyes as his arms pull me into his chest. “I have a few ideas.”
