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Try what, exactly? A relationship? Trusting us?
I turn these thoughts over in my head in the adjoining bathroom. I hop into the shower for a quick rinse, where I revel in the ocean scent of his body wash. I’ll smell like him all day. Every time I catch the scent, I’ll wonder if I’m making a massive mistake. Maybe I’ll have a different answer each time. For now, I choose to move past my reservations and do exactly what I told him I’d do. Try.
The smell of coffee and bacon wafts through the hall as I make my way into the kitchen. His back is to me as he fixes two plates with scrambled eggs. When I clear my throat, he turns around. The smile he sends me is tentative, half guarded and half hopeful.
“Morning.” He pushes a plate across the counter. His eyes crinkle at the corners when I don’t move. “Why are you so far away?”
I push myself off the wall I’m leaning against, barely registering that I seem to have forgotten how to walk. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He places a fork on my plate. “Eat.”
“Okay.” I cross the space and plop myself on a barstool. “Can you—”
He’s already pouring me a mug of coffee, with cream and sugar just how I like it. I take a bite of bacon, smiling up at him when he places the mug beside my arm.
“So,” I start. He glances at me, eyes startlingly blue, and I lose all my nerve. “I didn’t know you could cook.”
“I know the basics. I don’t normally cook this much before work, but I have some extra time before I have to go in today.” He’s already scarfed down half his plate. “We should talk.”
My stomach flips, but I manage a small nod. “We should.”
“That wasn’t just the heat of the moment talking, was it?” he asks, and part of me is grateful he’s making sure this is what I really want. “I don’t want to hold you to something you’re not ready for.”
“I meant what I said,” I assure him. “I…” I love you. I’m nowhere near ready to tell him that yet, so I change tact. “I don’t want to lose you. You’re important to me, Theo. If you think this can work—”
“It can.” A determined glean enters his eyes. “I know it can.”
He’s so sure of himself. So sure of us, despite knowing how we started. Even without all the baggage we’re bringing to the table, relationships are always a gamble. If we do this, we could end up losing each other. It’s all or nothing with Theo. And that terrifies me.
“I’m willing to try.” I wish I could give him more than that, more than my cautious hope. He deserves someone as all in as he is. But maybe I’ll get there if I try hard enough.
“Are you still scared we won’t make it?” he asks, his voice quiet.
“Oh yeah.” I try to laugh, but it comes out breathless. “That’s a given. I don’t know how not to be. I’ve never done this before, Theo. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Neither do I,” he says, reaching for my hands. “This is all new to me, too. We’re navigating this together.”
I like the sound of that. Together.
“That being said”—he takes in a deep breath, and every nerve ending in my body stands on alert—“I don’t mean to test your newfound trust so soon, but I agreed to help Alice move out of her apartment tomorrow night.”
“Oh.”
“I can cancel if you want me to,” he says quickly. “If you’re not comfortable with that.”
The thought of them alone together doesn’t make me feel good, even though I trust Theo enough not to do something stupid. He’s not the same man who almost ruined her engagement party all those months ago. We’ve both come a long way since then, but I’m not ready to put our relationship to the test so soon, either.
I open my mouth to ask him to cancel, but what comes out instead is “Can I come with you?”
He seems surprised at my request, but he nods and says, “Sure. She’ll probably appreciate the extra help.”
“Cool.” I nod, feeling anything but. “We’re really doing this, huh?”
“We really are.” He walks around the counter and takes the stool beside me, turning me until we’re facing each other. He breaks out in a smile that rivals the sun. “Does this mean I get to call you my girlfriend?”
“I don’t know.” I melt into him when his hand lifts to cup my cheek. “Does this mean I get to call you my boyfriend?”
“Call me whatever you want,” he says against my lips. “As long as I get to call you mine.”
