AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He takes in a breath. Exhales. “We were shitty brothers to each other. I know that. He knows that. There are things I did that I’m not proud of.” He looks away from me. “The point is, he knows how much I care about you. He knows what turning you against me would do to me. And look at us”—he raises a hand at the space between us—“it’s working.”
I’m not sure how much is truth and how much is manipulation. Theo isn’t the reason I’m pushing Ben away. It’s something I should’ve done a long time ago.
“I need time.”
“How much?” he asks, resigned.
“I don’t know.” I let out a breath. “But I’ll let you know when I’m ready to talk to you again.”
He nods. Rakes his brown hair back from his face. “Okay. Just please don’t make me wait forever for you. I will, but don’t make me.” His mouth lifts in a sad smile. Something about his phrasing strikes a chord with me.
Don’t make me wait forever for you.
Isn’t that what I’ve been doing since the moment we broke up?
“I can’t lose you, Marcela,” he says, and I melt all over again. “I can’t.”
My smile is tired, and probably a bit hollow. When his arms wrap around me, I can’t help but sink into his familiar warmth. That love for him is still inside me, but it’s dimmer than I remember. There’s still a pull between us, one I’ve tried to convince myself is only in my head. Or something friendly I confuse for romantic.
His chest brushes against mine, his hand closing over mine for one brief moment. One brief, supercharged moment where our eyes meet and lock. His lips part slightly as his eyes flick down to mine.
What the hell is happening?
A surge of energy floods my veins when his head bends closer to mine. My heart thumps wildly beneath my rib cage as I snatch my hand back and take two quick, leaping steps backward. It isn’t until I’ve escaped his range that I’m able to breathe properly again.
“Sorry,” I blurt, though I’m not entirely sure what I’m apologizing for. Or that I’m even interpreting what happened correctly. What would’ve happened if I hadn’t…
“Go ahead.” Awkwardly, I motion him toward the open door.
He hangs his head, unable to meet my eyes. I can’t quite make myself meet his, either. He leaves with a rushed goodbye. When I close the door behind him, I’m more confused than ever.
What the hell was that?
Twenty-One
Ben just tried to kiss me.
I think.
And I can’t sleep, turning over the moment in my head, analyzing it from all angles. I toss and turn, hitting the pillows with my fist as if that’ll help knock out the stupid thought from my brain. He wouldn’t do that. Not when he’s with Alice. Besides, he’s the one who said we were better off as friends and has never once given any indication that he’s changed his mind. He wouldn’t try to kiss me.
But if he did…
If he really did try to kiss me, well, isn’t that what I’ve always wanted? For him to show some kind of interest? I thought I would’ve jumped at the chance if it ever arrived. Lord knows I’ve fantasized about it enough times to lose count.
Sometimes in my fantasies we kissed after he announced he was leaving Alice. Because he realized I was the only one for him. I’d admit that I never really got over him either, and he’d interrupt me midsentence to plant his mouth on mine. I’d kiss him back until desire pooled low in my belly and made me dizzy with want. Other times the moment would sneak up on us, like it did today. All it would take is one longing look before he crossed the room in quick strides and closed his mouth over mine.
But instead of reliving my fantasy, I jumped away. I stepped out of his range, stuttering like a tongue-tied fool and apologized over nothing. Absolutely nothing. He totally tried to kiss me, and I backed away from him. Because I didn’t want to kiss him.
I didn’t want to kiss him.
This is monumental progress, isn’t it? Even if that wasn’t what he was doing, it’s what I thought he was. And I did the right thing, not for any sort of moral reason but because he isn’t—
The new, sudden realization hits me with the force of a brick wall. Theo. I didn’t want to kiss him because he isn’t Theo, the only person I want to kiss. I blow out a breath between my teeth.
What have I done?
When Theo’s apartment is finally perfected to his standards, he texts asking if I want to come over on Saturday to see it.
