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I frown. “Sounds sane.”
He laughs dryly. “He must really care about you to go that far.” But his eyes are narrowed in a way that says he’s entirely unconvinced of that.
I don’t say anything because I don’t trust myself to. But I feel his eyes on me, contemplating.
“You don’t have to leave.” I step forward, something like conviction drawing me closer. My hand braces his shoulder as I crawl on top of him. His eyes widen slightly as he realizes what’s happening, and then they go hazy with want. My knees straddle either side of his body as I deposit myself onto his lap. His eyes stay trained on my face as his hands settle on my waist. I lean into him, kissing his neck. He lets out a throaty groan, the motion vibrating against my lips.
“Stay,” I say. “I don’t have to do everything he tells me, you know.”
“He told you to stay away from me?”
He pulls away slightly, eyes creased as he looks up at me. I rub a thumb over his brow, as if to smooth out the worry from his face. I shake my head, even though that’s exactly what he said if you read between the lines. Our foreheads touch when I lean toward him again, my hands roaming over his broad chest. His heart is racing beneath my palm, a hard drumbeat that makes my own thump wildly. Is this nerves, or something more?
He says my name inside a sigh. I’m hardly able to make it out, even though we’re sharing the same breath. Even though I can’t stop staring at his mouth. Or wishing it were on mine. His hands move up to my hair, sinking into the curls as he brings our faces even closer.
Our lips graze, ever so slightly, when he says, “Don’t lie to me, Marcela.”
My heart stutters as I rear back from him. I’ve already lied to him once tonight, but the guilt of it hasn’t sunken in until now. How would he feel if he knew the guy I’m pining over is his brother? Part of me thinks he’d understand, given his situation with Alice. But even the thought of telling him the truth makes my stomach clench.
Theo senses my hesitation right away. His hands move down to cup my cheeks, pushing me just far enough that I’m able to breathe properly. I gulp in a shaky breath of air.
“We don’t have to do this, Marcela,” he says. “I’m not expecting anything from you. And if my brother’s warning got to you… we can stop. I don’t want you to…”
“Theo—”
“Marcela, it’s okay.” He raises himself from his spot on the couch, lifting me off him in one swift motion before plopping me back down on the sofa cushion. The movement doesn’t even wind him.
For a moment, I’m stunned. Freshman year of college, I was with Ben when I sprained my ankle outside the main building after class one day. He sprang to life, got a passerby to get a bag of ice from the food court and something to wrap my foot with. But when he tried to lift me, his face lost color. He’s lanky, and he was even skinnier back then, which was why I’d tried to stop him. The moment was mortifying for both of us, for very different reasons.
Ben liked to be the hero, I realized later. When the passerby returned with the campus medic and all the works—
bandages, cotton balls and rubbing alcohol for the scrape, a pair of crutches—I studied Ben’s face when he thought I wasn’t watching. At the time I thought he was worried about me, but I realize now that something had clicked into place for him. That medic fussed over me the way Ben had moments before he called for help. Before he tried to lift me off the ground with the physical strength he didn’t have.
Two days later, he laid that “better off as friends” line on me. For years, I’d tried so hard not to connect the two moments to each other. But—
I shake my head clear of the intrusion in my brain. This is the last thing I want to be thinking about right now, when his brother is in my living room already talking about him.
“I get it,” Theo is saying, trying to be understanding. “You’ve known him longer than you have me. Of course you’d trust he knows what’s best for you over me.”
Trust has nothing to do with us. Theo and I don’t need it for what we’re doing. There are no strings, no feelings, and nothing close to a real attachment between us.
As for Ben, well, I trusted him once. Maybe too much, when I should’ve known better. Every time he rebuilds that trust with me, it’s always followed by stark reality knocking it back down. Breaking up with me, but proving I’m still a priority in his life. Getting together with Alice, but assuring me I deserve so much more than what the guys I’m dating have to offer. Proposing to Alice was the final blow.
I don’t trust Theo to not try something stupid again, but I also don’t share the distrust Ben has in him. Nothing Theo has done warrants the amount of disdain his brother seems to have toward him.
My heart sinks when Theo stands up. He’s leaving. I get up, walking him to the door as my mind races with ways to make him stay.
“This doesn’t have to change anything,” I tell him. “I’m a grown woman for fuck’s sake. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Ben doesn’t know this is just a…” My mind spins for the right word.
“Fling?” Theo offers. “Rebound?”
“Either or.” I shrug. “We’ll figure it out. But besides all that, we’re friends, aren’t we?”
He melts a little at that. “I hope so.”
It’s a relief to hear him say that.
“Of course we are.” Despite the exhaustion settling in my shoulders, my lips pull up into a smile.
