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Eden
I sit at my home office desk and run through the checklist for this week's events. It’s been a long and busy season so I'm looking forward to a little break and with only a few winter events lined up so far, it looks like I’m going to get that break.
The fact I have a separate office on the side of my cottage is a Godsend. It means I can separate my work life from my home life, but still have a good balance and be right next door to my house. It can be challenging at times working for myself, but the rewards are well worth it. I can more or less pick my own hours, and choose the clients I want to work with as well.
It made sense turning the space at my home into an office rather than renting a place in town. This way I don’t have any costly overheads and I can come and go as I please.
My assistant, Jodie is amazing and is always there on the day of the event, and the days leading up to it. She’s my right hand girl and double checks everything. She was over here late last night as we were prepping for Saturday and getting the last finishing touches arranged for the community hall. The ceremony will be held at the old homestead on the edge of town, then the reception will follow at the hall. It’s less than sixty guests which I think is an ideal number to have.
I’m also looking forward to getting together with Gayle and Georgia soon to discuss more of next year's plans for the barn venue. I already have some brides looking for a location to get married, so it’s exciting I will be able to offer their beautiful barn. I also have existing weddings booked in which I will go ahead as planned. We have to discuss if we will block out the dates on the Bassett’s website, so we’re not double booked, or let Jodie take the lead if we get another inquiry for the same dates. Meaning, we’d cater for two events at the same time.
It’s a big step, but I’m sure I can work out the dynamics of how things will work as we get up and rolling.
Winter is coming at a good time for me to iron all these things out.
Granted, not everyone who books through Bloom will want the ‘The Stoney Creek Barn’ as their venue, but I think it’s certainly something unique for the area.
I’m excited to see it all finished. Autumn is on board for the photo shoot, and I can’t wait to see how it all comes up on the website.
She called me last night to check in after we texted back and forth all week since the incident on Saturday night. All jokes aside with my tipsy escapade, she is worried about me after the Kirk situation. I know Carrie is too. In fact, all the girls there on Saturday night were lovely and sweet. Each and every one of them has my back. Georgia-Blue has been really lovely checking in on me every day. We’ve always had a good relationship, and I love her to bits.
I’ve assured everyone I’m fine, but I do feel an ache of disappointment inside me from how everything turned out with Kirk. It was all shaping up so nicely to the point we were about to get more intimate and take a vacation together. He’d met my daughter!
How could I have not seen it?
I just don’t understand why he would do something like that, but maybe that’s the kind of guy he always was. He was just good at covering it up.
He knew I wasn’t the type of person to jump in with both feet, and I had reservations about jumping into bed with him. He had constantly assured me it was fine since we’d only known each other a few months. I guess he really couldn’t wait a little longer.
Jerk.
It has made me question myself deep down, but why should I have to change my beliefs? I want so much more than just a good time. I want a connection with a man before all else.
The fact he lied so blatantly has taken a hit to my confidence, even if I’m acting on the outside like everything is fine.
It hurts. A lot.
Then there’s Brooklyn. And I have to say he’s been more than attentive.
I’m not forgetting that kiss either. I wanted it, that’s for sure. But it was a crazy and impulsive thing, spur of the moment. It has only happened once before when we tried to reconcile years and years ago, nothing since.
So I can only put it down to the fact that it was familiar territory for me — somewhere I feel safe because I know Brook would never hurt me the way Kirk has. But Brook and I tried before, and I shut off from those feelings long ago because we both needed to grow in life and expand our careers as well as raise our daughter.
There have been times I’ve wondered why we let it go, and if we could’ve tried harder. But I always come back to that simple thing; we were so young. He was my first and only boyfriend through school and into my twenties.
Brook was my everything, so a big part of me still feels like a failure that we couldn’t make it work. It stirs up old things, thinking about it all even if we have always been on good terms.
There’s always been that what if that hangs in the air. It’s been there for years but I’ve always pushed it aside. I know Brook kissed me back but is he really ready to go there again?
I thought we’d both moved on. Okay, neither of us have ever been close to remarrying, but Brook is a man about town. He may only sleep with one woman at a time, but from what I know he’s been fairly active over the years.
It never bothered me before because we were done and I was happy to still have him as a friend, just like we always said. But the thought has been irking me, even more so since our kiss. And I’m getting jealous at the thought of him and someone else now.
He was so sweet to me on Saturday. And the way he was so attentive and didn’t make me feel like an idiot the next day, was so him. When we went horseback riding on Sunday, I felt more at home than I’ve felt anywhere in years. Seeing our daughter ride ahead on Sailor, and us all sitting on the large picnic blanket having our sandwiches and some muffins sharing some family banter, it truly was a beautiful afternoon.
Panic kinda hits me in the chest that I’ve been a fool all this time.
Is the one great love I knew I had back then still Brook?
